There jokes

If someone with a toe fetish cheats on you

Does that mean they got off on the wrong foot?

What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer?

One is disgusted by rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by lack of RAM.

An Australian was taking his girlfriend out for a night of passion under the stars.....

....when she was stung between the legs by a giant hornet. In a panic he wasn’t sure what to do so he rang the Australian Emergency Medical Helpline.... “Hello, I’m takin’ me Shiela out for a romantic night of camping and she’s just been stung by a hornet on her privates...and it’s all swollen and closed up”... “Ahhh bummer mate”, the helpline operator replied. “Oh cheers, great idea, thanks mate!” Replied Bruce... and put the ‘phone down.....

What's the difference between a joke and a repost???

...about two hours.

I saw two lesbians kissing in the park.

"There's a time and a place for that," I told my wife.

She said, "Yeah..."

I said, "It's 9pm and my house."

I don't get what's so hard about No Nut November

It's the 3rd day and I haven't eaten any nuts yet. I just distract myself by constantly masturbating all day.

If some part of your job feels utterly pointless, remember

Putin campaigned for the 2018 elections.

Baby are you HTTP?

Because I'm :// without you

My wife is a horrible singer .

When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

What's the difference between parsley and pubic hair?

Nothing. You push them both aside and keep on eating.

I watched so many programming tutorial videos in college

My inner monologue started developing an Indian accent

Why did Elon Musk abandon his Twitter acquisition?

He wanted to experience, for the first time in his life, the sensation of pulling out

Trump is reportedly upset that the Ukraine just elected a comedian as president.

Oh, Crimea river!

Why did the chicken kill itself ?

To get to the other side.

I just had an orgasm that lasted six hours

It’s been a long time coming

My grandmother is 80 and still doesn't need glasses

She drinks out of the bottle...

What did the Philosophy Ph.D say to the fat black woman?

Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order?

So I'm fucking this guy in the ass, right?

... and I'm fucking him, and I'm fucking him ...

... and I'm fucking him ...

... and then I reach around, and he's ***HARD***.

And I'm like ***SHIT THIS GUY IS A FAG!***

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I like to tell that one whenever the conversation stops at a party.

Why are sperm donations worth more than blood donations?

Because they’re made by hand

I bought the world's worst thesaurus today.

Not only was it terrible, but it was also terrible.