There jokes

Beer

How often do I put orange slices in my beer?

Oh, once in a Blue Moon.

Pig

What do pigs use when they get hurt?

Oink-ment

(My 7 year old made this up and wanted me to share!)

Smoke

Do you know what French people smoke?

Oui’d.

Team

You see comrade, there is no I in team.

But there is u in gulag.

Inches

You only need 2.5 inches to pleasure a woman

Doesn't matter if it's Visa or Mastercard

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?

The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18

Thickness

I am really fuckin thick

Thick of not being apprethiated

Ex

My ex hated when I started dating her twin sister.

Like it's my fault they're conjoined.

Wife

My wife asked me to stop buying stupid shit online.

So I shipped her back to Russia.

Girlfriend

My girlfriend treats me like God.

She takes no notice of my existence till she wants something.

Us

How can you tell the US is getting back to normal after Covid19?

There's been two mass shootings in the past week

Girlfriend

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic...

But I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

Couple

The young couple next door to me recently made a sex tape

I mean they do not know it yet.

A farmer has three daughters who are all going on dates tonight. The doorbell rings and the farmer answers it. The boy says 'Hello I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo. We are going to see a show. Is she ready to go?' so Flo leaves with Joe. The doorbell rings again and the boy says 'Hello I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty. We are going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?' so Betty leaves with Eddy. The doorbell rings a third time and the boy says 'Hello I'm Chuck....'. The farmer promptly shot him.