Think jokes

I was gonna make a joke about memory loss

I think

" doctor I can't stop singing What's New Pussycat."

" I think you might have Tom Jones syndrome." " is it rare?" " it's not unusual."

I’m thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

I, for one, think it’d be hilarious if there were female pirates.

Wooden-tit?

A monk, priest, and rabbit walk into a blood bank...

The rabbit turns to the other two and says, “I think I’m a type-O.”

Apparently people think that I am condescending

(that means I look down on people)

A man and a woman were in bed getting ready to sleep...

...sudendly the man farts and tries to think of an excuse.

-1:0 I am winning, - says the man. Few moments later the woman lets out a big fart.

-1:1 draw, - says the woman with a smile on her face.

Man does not want to lose so he tries and tries to fart very hard. Sudendly he farts and craps all over his bed side.

-Half time break, change of sides, - says the man calmly.

If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days

It will be a sadder day

Why old men don’t get hired...

Interviewer: Tell me your greatest weakness.

Old man: my honesty.

Interviewer: I don’t think honesty is a weakness.

Old man: I don’t give a fuck what you think.

I said to my doctor I might have ADHD.

M: I said to my doctor, "I think I might have ADHD, because I can't remember where I parked my Ford!"

Doctor: "That's not how ADHD works"

M: "But I keep losing my Focus!"

My son was thrown out of school for the third time this year for letting a girl in his class jerk him off

Im starting to think that maybe teaching isn't for him.

A man and a wife are sitting outside...

The wife is bent over in the garden and the man exclaims "Damn! Your butt is almost as wide as the barbecue!" She proceeds to garden and brushes off the remark. Later on that night the man nudges his wife and asks her for some fun. She replies "If you think i'm firing up this grill for one little wiener, you got another thing coming."

Not my joke, I only wish I was this funny...

I said to my girlfriend that I think she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

I think my girlfriend is obsessed with scooby doo.

She keeps telling me we should split up and search for other people.

I think my co-workers are gay

Every time I walk past them in the office, they always whisper "What an ass"

A pirate goes to a doctor

worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them. "It's ok," he says. "They're benign." The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

A husband and wife are winding down in the bedroom getting ready to go to sleep

Husband "You want me to put some on TV"

Wife "Sure honey, you can pick"

Husband "Okay, I am picking either golf or porn, what do you think?"

Wife "Porn, definitely porn. You're already good at golf"

If any one on this sub is thinking of getting married soon, please consider this carefully

On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don't.

Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station

in a remote part of Ireland. Paddy, who knows nothing about golf, says "Top of the morning to you sir!"

Tiger nods and bends over to pick up the nozzle. As he does so two tees fall out of his pocket.

"What are those?"

Tiger replies, "These are called tees. They are for resting my balls on when I am driving."

"Fuck me" says Paddy, BMW think of everything!"

Two men discuss vasectomies...

First: "I'm thinking about getting a vasectomy, but I'm worried about performance..." Second:" I had one, I was worried at first but after a while I realized there just wasn't a vas deferens"