Walk jokes

A Canadian walks into a cafe, and the barista asks, "Would you like a latte?"

And the Canadian responds to him "Nah, just a bit, eh."

A man comes home early from work and when he walks into his bedroom and finds his wife in bed with one of his best friends, he gets a gun and shoots him. His wife looks at her husband in shock and says if you continue to do this you won't have any friends.

Businessman walks into a motel/brothel. Ask the lady working the front desk...I'd like a room and for an extra $500, I want your oldest, fattest, meanest, boring in bed woman and a bologna sandwich. The receptionist looks at him confused and says for that price we could get you our youngest, kindest, skinniest, kinkiest girl and a steak dinner with all the trimmings. The man replys ma'am you don't understand me...I'm homesick.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty.

She's ninety-three today and we don't know where the hell she is.

Dirty Blonde

A blonde walks into a dry cleaners and tells the woman at the counter, "I need to have an outfit washed."

The clerk was busy and slightly distracted, so she looked up from her work and said, "Come again?"

The blonde said, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

A priest, a rabbi, a minister, a blonde, a duck and a horse walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, "is this some kind of joke?"

Honest Guy

A truckie who has been out on the road for three weeks steps into a brothel outside Kalgoorlie. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your ugliest woman and a burnt chop.!! The Madam is astonished. 'But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a lovely three-course meal. The truckie replies, 'I'm not horny . . . . ... I'm homesick.

A masochist asks a sadist to hurt him...

...the sadist, smiling, walks away.

A piece of shit walks into the bar

Its my dad. My dad is a piece of shit

A man is walking past the mental hospital

through the board fence he hears the nuts inside chanting, thirteen...thirteen...thirteen. Curious, peeks through a knot hole and someone pokes him in the eye! As he jumps back in pain he hears the nuts start chanting, fourteen...fourteen...fourteen.

A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy.

"ephedrine?"

"I can't serve you that"

"sudoephedrine"

"There you go".

A photon walks into a hotel

The clerk asks "do you have any bags we can help you with?"

Photon says "naw dawg, I'm travelin' light"

A rapist, a sexist and a racist walk into a bar

Barman: How can I help you Mr. President?

There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast.

On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"

An ego and a superego walk into a bar.

The bartender says “I’ll have to see some id”.

NSFW Nearly humped a ladyboy

In Thailand and man it was so close, she looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady, kissed like a lady.. It was only when she drove me home and reversed perfectly into my drive 1st time, I thought to myself, "hang on a fuckin minute"!

Pain.

Two young boys are waiting for their surgery...

“What operation are you having done?”

“Getting my tonsils out, what about you?”

“Circumcision”

“Oh that’s bad, I had that done when I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year”

An Atheist and a Christian walk into a bar...

...they proceed to have a few drinks and enjoy each others company because they're not pretentious assholes

Four kids walk into an interview. One is American, one is British, one is African, and one is Chinese. The interviewer asks them all the same question: "In your own opinion, what do you think of the scarcity of food in other countries?" The British kid asks "What is scarcity?" The American kid asks "What are other countries?" The African kid asks "What is food?" And the Chinese kid asks "What is my own opinion?"

I was walking by a car filled with bIack people and as I came near they locked the door. I felt like such a badass

Then I realized that it was my car..