Water jokes

What did the fresh egg say to the boiling pot of water?

"It's going to take me a while to get hard, I just got laid this morning."

If you get seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to bed.

This will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

What's the difference between a restored church and a bumhole dipped in holy water?

One's a rectified sanctum...

How do you make holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.

Jesus can walk on water, babies are 72% water, I can walk on babies therefore I am 72% Jesus

I’m also 100% in jail

Chemists in a pub

After a long day, two chemists, Bill and Bob, go to a pub to unwind. Bob says to the barkeeper, "I'll just have a glass of H^2 0." Bill chimes in, "I'll have a glass of water too". They take a seat as he asks Bob, "Why did you refer to water with its chemical composition?" Bob did not answer, fuming that his assassination attempt had failed.

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

You use spring water.

President Biden has announced water is now only legal in three states.

Solid, liquid and gas.

Chuck Norris Joke

A priest, Jesus and Chuck Norris are on a sinking boat. Jesus starts to walk back to land. Chuck Norris does the same. The priest says "Lord, please let me walk on water", tries to walk but drowns. When Jesus and Chuck Norris got on land Jesus asked him "Shouldn't we have told him where the stones are"? And Chuck answered "Which stones"

What did the water say to the boat?

Nothing. It just waved.

Called an old school friend, asked what was he doing nowadays...

He replied that he is working on "aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium, and steel under a constrained environment"

As always, I was impressed...

On further enquiring I learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.

I always wondered why you hear stories of vampires in Europe but never Africa.

Then I remembered vampires are killed by holy water, and they bless the rain down in Africa

Funny unknown historical fact:

Pharoahs were burried with their hands crossed their chest because it was a historical belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

So when I pee the bed...

I am a jerk, an asshole, and asked “why do you have to get so drunk”.

But when my wife pee’s the bed it’s all “my water broke” and “the baby is coming”

Hypocrite

What plant will kill you in 5 min or less if you just stand under it

Water lily

earlier today I dropped an ice cube

It slipped under the refrigerator and I couldn't reach it. I was really upset about it at first but now I'm over it. water under the fridge.

Water is heavier than butane because...

Butane is a lighter fluid.

English lord to his servant: James a glass of water please. Here you are sir. Thank you James. Another glass of water please. Sure sir, here you are. Thank you, James.

James, please call the firemen, I don't think we can put out this fire on our own.

A joke my 4 year old came up with today...

Him: ‟What‘s the only mammal that can breathe under water?”

Me: ‟I dunno, what?”

Him (loudly): ‟An elephant sticking his trunk up!”

Whats red, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?

A red bucket.

Whats blue, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?

A red bucket in disguise.

My 8 year old son...the comedian.