Well jokes

"These speakers didn't cost that much so I doubt they will work well"

"that is a cheap stereotype"

My girlfriend has an onlyfans account and it’s doing really well

I just have to figure out how to break the news to her

So I was at the bank today and this old lady asked me to help check her balance.

Well I was not very impressed, she fell over on the first try.

A man walks in on his wife cheating on him with his best friend, so he heads to the bar to drown his sorrows.

He walks up to the bar and the bartender notices hes upset so he asks "why the long face?"

"I just caught my wife having sex with my best friend," says the guy.

To which the bartender replies, "thats terrible! What did you say to your wife when you caught her?"

"I told her to pack her stuff and get out of my house immediately."

"Well what did you say to your best friend," asks the bartender.

"Bad boy"

Waiter: "How would you like your steak sir?"

Me: "Medium?"

Medium: "I can see it, he wants it well done"

A young boy comes home from school after learning about sexual health and asks

Boy - 'Dad what does a vagina look like?'

Father - 'Well son, that depends. Are you interested before sex or after sex?'

Boy - 'Urmmm, before'

Father - 'It resembles the beautiful petals on a rose'

Boy - ' And what about after sex?'

Father - ' Son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?'

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."

The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"

The man is super happy and says "Yay, I got a yob!"

A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, my sex life is not very good, I can’t perform very well in bed.”

The doctor says, “You don’t look very fit, are you getting any exercise?” The man replied that he wasn’t exercising at all, so the doctor said, “I want you to walk 5 miles a day, then call me in a week and tell me if things have improved.” The man calls the doctor a week later and the doctor says, “Are you performing any better in bed now?” The man says, “I don’t know, I’m 35 miles away.”

Do you know why insulin has gotten so expensive?

Well, it’s not called Liveabetes, now is it?

I thought of having a threesome

But then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents

Last week, after a one night stand with a woman, she had the gall to get up and use my toothbrush without even asking first. I told her, "That's disgusting!" She replied, "Well, we just had sex, so what's the big difference?"

I answered, "The difference is, I was gonna use the toothbrush again."

I inherited some land recently and managed to buy 100 donkeys for £100...

...I planned on selling them one by one for a profit, but overnight some sick guy broke into my farm and cut all the donkeys tails off! Now I'm left with 100 donkeys with no tails, so I'm going to have to wholesale them!

(ask me why I have to wholesale them...)

Well I can't retail them can I?!

Mom: Son, why dont you talk to Mark anymore? You used to be best friends.

Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs and is an alchocolic? Mom: Of course not. Son: Well neither would he.

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon. Nobody would laugh, but then immediately after Neil would follow up with, "Ah well, I guess you had to be there."

An undertaker says to a bereaved husband

‘When did you realise your wife was dead?’ ‘Well,’ he replies, ‘the sex was the same but the dishes just kept piling up...’

from Internet.

A Scientologist, a Catholic, and a Mormon are talking about their families.

The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". The Mormon speaks up and deadpans. "I've got 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they say she was imaginary...

Well, jokes on them - they're imaginary too.

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl.

"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"

"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

I was surprised to learn my kid failed the road driving test...

...she Tweeted three times that it seem to be going well.

A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup

Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: “Well? Are you still coughing?”

The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.”