You jokes

I used to get sad when the leaves fell from the trees...

But then they always grew back, so that was a releaf.

The people that work at my bank are so nice!

Every time they call, they say my loans are outstanding!

Was playing with my balls and then I found my first gray pubic hair, but I kept calm!

Unlike the rest in the elevator..

A man walks into a gym and kills everyone there brutally

After the investigation, the police state that the victims could only be described as ripped and shredded

What’s the difference between science and religion?

Science flies you to the moon while religion flies you into buildings.

What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store?

Picking his nose

What did the Russian say when she was turned on?

I am soviet

I took my Biology exam last Friday

I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

There’s a band called 1023MB

They haven’t had any gigs yet

Why is Joseph jealous of Jesus ?

Because Jesus has a second coming while Joseph didn't even get a first.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging on the wall.

He sits down and asks the bartender what the deal is with the meat. Bartender says the deal is if you want a free drink you gotta jump up and touch the meat but if you miss, you buy a round for the bar. The guy takes another look at the meat and the bartender asks if he's in. No, says the guy the steaks are too high.

To the handicapped guy who stole my bag

You can hide but you can't run

I stole a Tom Cruise movie from the store the other day...

It was Risky Business.

An American walks into an English pub and orders a Budweiser.

Barman: Oh, you must be American. American: You can tell from my order and accent, huh? Barman: No, because you're the fattest fuck I've ever seen.

Science puns make me numb

But math puns make me number.

I dont get it

If someone donates 1 kindey, they're hailed a hero, but I donate 5 and get arrested!?

Most gun duels in the old west could have been prevented.

If only the city planners had made towns big enough for everyone.

Dad: Say daddy

Baby: Mommy.

Dad: No. Say daddy.

Baby: Mommy.

Dad: Fuck! Say daddy!

Baby: Fuck!

Dad: What did you say?

Baby: Fuck!

Mom: I'm home!

Baby: Fuck!

Mom: What? Where did you hear that?

Baby: Daddy.

Don't order hay for your horse off Amazon.

After a couple of days they'll ask for your feed back.

Boss's daughter!

Employee: Sir, you called me?

Boss: Yeah,go to the rest room and masturbate.

Employee, after few minutes: Done sir.

Boss: Do it again.

Employee: Done again, sir.

Boss: Do it once more.

Employee : Now I don't have stamina for it, sir.

Boss: Very good, here are my keys, drop my daughter at home.