You jokes

What’s the difference between a refrigerator and a black man?

A refrigerator doesn’t get shot for running

What's the best thing about having alzeimhers disease?

You can hide your own easter eggs

Sunday: Greg. Monday: Ian. Tuesday: Greg. Wednesday: Ian. Thursday: Greg. Friday: Ian. Saturday: Greg

So this is how the Gregorian calendar was created.

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down and use Lubricant.

I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in 5 years.

I don't have 2020 vision.

My girlfriend changed a lot since becoming a vegan

It's like I've never seen herbivore.

Ever wonder why you always get a boner when you look in the mirror?

That's because your dick thinks you're a cunt too!

Why do they call it boob sweat

and not humidititties?

Jesus to the Jews:

I am the son of God.

Jews: No way...

Jesus: Yahweh.

"Do one thing everyday that scares you." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Today, I will fuck a cactus.

A boy walks in on his dad masturbating.

The boy, curious asks him, "Dad, what are you doing?"

The father replies, "This is called masturbating, and pretty soon you will be doing it also."

The kid, puzzled, asks, "How do you know that?"

The father goes "Because my arm is getting tired."

There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable....

Just got my vaccine, but they stuck the needle in my leg.

I spent the following day thinking “my Pfizer killing me”

Sex with a weatherman must suck.

Always telling you to expect 8-12 inches, only to find out it's not even 4.

Excuse me waiter, this coffee tastes like mud

Yes sir, it's fresh ground!

Did you hear about the professor who could tell the acidity or baseness of a solution by dipping his genitals into it?

He had a PH D

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive...

They would eventually find me attractive.

Did you hear about the lumberjack who got a promotion?

Now he's a branch manager.

What do you call a cow pleasuring itself?

Beef Strokinoff

Special Hand Job

Getting a hand job from a chick is like watching the special Olympics...

You keep cheering them on but deep down inside you know you can do better...