You jokes

A PS4 fan and an Xbox One fan started fighting! Someone call the ambulance!

*Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U*

I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron."

She was watching our wedding video again.

So I met this really nice girl at the zoo!

She was a keeper.

Friends are like snowflakes...

If you pee on them, they'll dissapear.

Six topless women sounds nice

Dozen Tit??

What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?

Rick O'Shea

I hired the most obese personal assistant I could find.

She’s a really big help.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim".

I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

If you see somebody wearing a mask pulled down below their nose, don’t worry...

Those people are all mouth-breathers anyway

I met this girl at a vegan restaurant she said she knew me.

But I never met herbivore

When i was younger i felt like a man trapped inside woman’s body.

Then i was born

Girlfriend said "I think I'm pregnant, I'm two weeks late..

..April fools!"

I wanted to see if this Hindi joke still works in English

My son.

Nope, still useless.

A little 5yo girl goes into a petshop

Hello, I want a little bunny

Worker: Sure, you want that small fluffy white one or the small puffy brown one?

Girl: I dont think my python cares...

2 guys were eating breakfast together

"Do you want some of my bacon?"

"No thanks I'm Jewish"

"Don't worry it's free"

I won the "most secretive guy in my office" award.

I can't tell you how much this means to me.

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014 at 10:37 am.

What do Asians do when they have an erection?

They vote

They said "Find something you love to do and you will never work a day in your life"

They are darn right, that field isn't hiring!