Scare jokes

I am really scared of encountering cougars when I go on a run

If I ever saw one , I'd Puma Pants .

Girlfriend said "I think I'm pregnant, I'm two weeks late..

..April fools!"

I had a nightmare that my TikTok account got banned

For a second, i was really scared that i had TikTok

*NSFW* John is sent to prison and he meets his 6’8” 320 pound cell mate

Cell mate says, “We are going to be here a long time, so you choose whether you want to be the husband or the wife?”

John is scared but he knows what to pick to make his life a little easier, “I’ll be the husband” he says confidently.

Cell mate, “ Good, now come here and suck your wife’s dick”

I was watching a film with my little boy earlier. He said, “Dad I’m scared, is that woman going to die?”.

I said, “Judging on the size of that horses cock, yes”.

"Boy, I'm scared," a man said to one of his friends,

"I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife." "Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife." "Easy for you to say," the first guy said. "You like her that much?" the friend asked. "It's not that," declared the man, "He didn't sign his name."

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I’m scared." Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."

Why did the scared cow say "Moo?"

Because it's a cow word.

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I thought of this today, did I make a new joke?

Two Mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night. One of them says: "I gotta admit I'm scared out here." The other replies: "You're scared... I gotta walk back alone!"

I shot a turkey for the first time today...

Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen foods section.

Why don't blind people go for bungee jumping?

it scares the shit out of the dogs.

I read an article about the dangers of heavy drinking the other day, and it really scared me! So that's it...

Starting today, no more reading.

Apparently I snore so loudly

It scared everyone in the car I was driving!

"Do one thing everyday that scares you." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Today, I will fuck a cactus.

An 84 year old man to his doctor: My 24 year old wife is pregnant. Your opinion doctor?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story:

There was once a man with an umbrella walking through a forested area. Suddenly a leopard jumped in front of him. Too scared to do anything, the man holds up his umbrella against the leopard and tries to shoot. A loud bang is heard and the leopard dies on the spot.

Old man: That's impossible, somebody else must have shot the leopard!

Doctor: Exactly my point!

I think it's funny when dogs hide under the bed when they're scared.

I'm like "You idiot, that's the first place monsters go!"

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked...

I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact I knew where he lived...