Jokes

What do you call a ginger kid who’s good at karate?

The Carroty Kid.

Russian POW calls home: 'Mum, I've been captured'.

Mum: 'Where are you?' POW: 'Ukraine.' Mum: 'Can you get us a Big Mac?'

Fuck Chuck Norris ..

If he is as strong and powerful as everyone states, I dare him to come to my house and bash my head in the keyboarddfrljkl;kjtpog496yasdfjknxirhsmfsjfigdjsyebxhsueyxbxjdobdbzhcvhsivdbdindgdyhdbisbdbdhbshhshsudjshgsidbbdhdydhdbksjdbdyyshdbuendheibdjdidn

The time traveler was still hungry after his last bite

So he went back four seconds

I need to get a new chess set because all my pawns are damaged and sticky.

I should have never left them in the same box as the bishops.

My friends say there’s a gay guy in our circle of friends..

I really hope it’s Todd, he’s cute.

The contact lens is mans greatest invention

At least in my eyes

My wife suspected I was cheating, so to catch me she hired a prostitute to flash her breasts and try to seduce me.

I didn't fall for that shit... I can spot a booby trap a mile away.

I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

To all the teachers who said I would be nothing but a fast food worker and an alcoholic,

Fuck you that just was a lucky guess.

Harry was blind...

... His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater for his birthday. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read.

Hi Lads.

Iv'e got a load of Victoria Secret Bra sets just arrived which will make a lovely Christmas present.

If you can send me a picture of your wife's tits, I'll let you know if I have any that will fit.

Merry Christmas..

Mountain climbers do so much climbing

Don’t they Everest?

A man boarded a plane with six kids.

After they settled into their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over and asked, “Are all of those kids yours?” He replied, “No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.”

Two male deer are leaving a gay bar

One turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I just blew 20 bucks.”

When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend was cooking breakfast in nothing than a T-shirt... ...when I came downstairs, she told me she needed me to have sex with her right away...

Needless to say I was thrilled, so we did it right there in the kitchen...

...she immediately went back to cooking... we didn't usually do stuff like that, so I hesitantly asked, "so...what was that all about?"

She said, "I had 5 minutes left on the casserole, but the timer broke."

They say certain types of people can resist a good click bait.

Apparently you aren’t one of them.

EA

It's in the title

So I did some research...

and Chinese people like listening to music on their phones with earbuds, black people like portable speakers, Mexicans prefer cheaper systems in their home with big speakers and white people like higher end but compact systems...

Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be discussing racial stereo types.

Why do Americans take a gun while they go fishing ?

Cause groups of fish are called schools