I had this friend named Leonardo. We called him Lee. Anyway, he didn't have alot of money. In fact, he was basically broke...
So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.
I call my penis Tom Cruise.
It does all its own stunts, has questionable beliefs, and I have to use camera tricks to make it look taller.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
I'll see myself out now.
Elon Musk and Bill Gates combined their enormous wealth and power to develop the most effective penis enlargement pill ever created.
They're calling it Elongates.
My husband called me a p*ssy, and I had to remind him...
"You are what you eat."
I've been a d*ck ever since.
What do you call unemployed Bob the builder?
Bob
What do you call a bunch of hedge funds that already lost $70 B shorting stocks?
A good start. HOLD the LINE.
What do you call Hulk dressed up as Captain America?
Star-Spangled Banner
What do you call an owl with a PhD?
Doctor who
If someone calls you fat, ignore them
You're bigger than that
Hey you wanna know why they call it PMS?
Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
I'm sorry you can thank my mom for that joke
My son called me today, telling me he was in the hospital....
I told him to stop letting me know. He’s been a doctor for 12 years.
I called “Shotgun” long before anyone else did, but I had to still sit in the back seat.
I hate cops.
What do you call something that explodes at -273.15 degrees Celsius?
0K boomer
What do you call dynamite that do not explode?
TN'T
What do you call two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard?
A pillow fight.
I love throwing house warming parties
**But for some reason the police keep calling it 'Arson'.**
I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.
That sail has shipped.
What do you call a former stripper turned mathematician?
The thot that counts.
I ordered a book called "How to scam people online" two months ago.
It still hasn't arrived yet.