Date jokes

I hate meeting dads.

That's why I only date black girls.

What’s the best part about dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere

What can Donald Trump and I both agree on?

That if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I would date her.

I met a girl at a bar who told me that she only dates men with 7inch dick.

Bitch I'm not going to cut 3 inches for you.

My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father.

But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium are dating.

OMg

So my friend is dating twins...

...And I said, "Isn't it hard to tell them appart?" He replied with, "Well not really, the brother has a moustache."

I once dated a twin

Years ago I dated a twin.

My friend asked me 'how do you tell them apart?'

I explained 'Well, Rebecca has agreed to wear green nail polish every 2nd day...and Stephen has a dick'

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

I asked my Granddaughter to give me the newspaper. She said that newspapers are so out of date, and that people now use tablets, so she handed me her iPad.

That Fly didn't stand a chance.

On their first date, a man asked his gal if she'd like a drink.

"Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said.

Later, he offered her a cigarette.

"Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said again.

On the drive home, he saw a motel. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he asked if she wanted to stop in there.

"Okay," his date replied.

"What will you tell your Sunday school class?" he asked, shocked.

"The same thing I always tell them. 'You don't have to drink or smoke to have a good time.' "

A cute girl at work said she'd only go on a date with me on a day that doesn't end in 'Y'

I said "Great! I'll pick you up tomorrow!"

My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they say she was imaginary...

Well, jokes on them - they're imaginary too.

As a gentleman, I asked my date if I could push in her stool...

She said “let’s see how the date goes first”

Dating a chick with 12 nipples sounds funny...

Dozen tit?

My date started choking last night so I quickly pulled my cock out.

"How's that going to help?" asked the waiter.

My Tinder bio says I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and I’m paid to travel

My dates are always upset when I tell them I’m a bus driver

I once dated a girl, who owned a parrot. The thing would never shut up.

The parrot was cool though.

A time traveler has traveled back in time to the year 1963.

However, he does not know the exact date. He sees a CIA agent nearby and asks him: "Is today before or after the JF-"

"Before"

My ex hated when I started dating her twin sister.

Like it's my fault they're conjoined.