Difference jokes

What's the difference between a Shakespeare comedy and Fox News?

One's The Taming of the Shrew, the other is the shaming of the true.

Whats the difference between a spear and a feminist?

A spear has a point

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You only need one nail to hang the picture.

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One's really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

What's the difference between OP and a Pregnant woman?

She delivers.

Called my boss, what's the different between work and your daughter.

I will not be coming into work today.

What's the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed across the room, that means its good.

Whats the difference between a cooked sweet potato and a flying pig

One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham

What's the difference between a cat and a semicolon?

One is a pause at the end of a clause and the other has claws at the ends of its paws.

What's the difference between a toilet and a sink?

If you dont know you are not allowed at my house.

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One less drunk.

What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?

An electron

**I was talking to my girlfriend the other day about reincarnation.**

She asked "what actually is reincarnation?"

I said to her, "well, its when you die and come back as something completely different."

"So, I could come back as a pig?!" she exclaimed!!

I said, "you"re not listening are you.....?

Teacher: how do you spell ‘crocodile’

Kid: K-R-O-K-I-D-I-A-L.

Teacher: no, that’s wrong.

Kid: no, I’m right. Other people might spell it differently but you asked how I spell it.

What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?

A tire!

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.

One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'

The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.

"Which part did you get?"

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is sex?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared. So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe sex. When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused: "So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

What’s the difference between a baby and a feminist?

At some point in it’s life, a baby will grow up and stop crying.

What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?

One's a pro, and one's a con.

What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

A drunk driver will run the stop sign. A stoned driver will stop and wait for the sign to turn green.