Eating out jokes

A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.

Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!

What's the difference between parsley and pubic hair?

Nothing. You push them both aside and keep on eating.

How does Darth Vader eat with a mask on?

He force feeds himself.

It’s confirmed . Fresh cow dung can stop corona

Dip both your hands in fresh cow dung before going out.

This will make sure that

a) you will not touch your eyes, nose, ear or mouth.

b) nobody will shake hands with you.

c) Nobody will come near you when you are out in the streets.

d) You will wash your hands thoroughly before you eat.

2 lawyers are in a restaurant eating their sandwiches.

The owner walks in and says, "You can't eat your own food in here!"

The lawyers sigh and swap sandwiches.

We had a trans friend come over for Christmas this year

He said he can’t wait to eat, drink and be Mary

A farmer has three daughters who are all going on dates tonight. The doorbell rings and the farmer answers it. The boy says 'Hello I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo. We are going to see a show. Is she ready to go?' so Flo leaves with Joe. The doorbell rings again and the boy says 'Hello I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty. We are going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?' so Betty leaves with Eddy. The doorbell rings a third time and the boy says 'Hello I'm Chuck....'. The farmer promptly shot him.

An old lady Offers the bus driver some peanuts to which he happily eats....

Every five minutes she gives him more peanuts... Driver: why don't you eat them yourself? Old lady: I can't chew I have no teeth look! Driver: Then why do you buy them? Old lady: Oh I just like the chocolate around them.

Two goats are eating garbage

The first one finds a roll of film and eats it.

When he's done, the second one asks, "how did you like the movie?"

The first one responds, "it was OK, but I liked the book better."

Who is the moat popular guy in a nudist colony?

The one who can hold 12 doughnuts without any hands.

Who is the most popular woman?

The one who can eat the last doughnut

How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cheeseburger?

One if nobody's looking.

How much do you weigh after eating Chinese food?

Wonton

Teacher: Billy if there are 5 birds on a fence and you shoot 1 how many birds are left?

Billy: None the others would fly away at the sound of the gun.

Teacher: The answer is 4 but I like the way you think.

Billy: I have a question Miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 licking, 1 biting, and 1 sucking, which one is married?

Teacher blushing, nervously answers “the one sucking.”

Billy: The answer is the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think.

A wife texted her husband

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!" The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: "I am on the toilet. Please advise."

How much dessert does a dieting Jedi eat at an Italian restaurant?

Only one cannoli.

What do robots eat on a diet?

Microchips.

Two economists are walking in the park.

The first economist sees a pile of dog shit and says to the other, "I'll pay you $50 to eat that dog shit." So he does and gets paid $50. Later on, the second economist sees a pile of dog shit and says to the first, "I'll pay you $50 to eat that pile of dog shit." So he does and gets paid $50.

The first economist says, "I can't help but feel we just ate dog shit for nothing." "Nonsense," says the second economist, "We just contributed $100 to the economy."