Friend jokes

My nerdy friend got a Ph.D on the History of Palindromes.

He’s now Dr.Awkward.

Introduced a friend of mine to minimalism

It was the least I could do.

A man buys his wife a beautiful diamond ring for xmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles." "She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"

What's it called when an Asian man gives his best friend head?

A bro job.

My friend asked me to stop singing wonderwall

I said maybe

A friend of mine told me he'd heard about a local glory hole...

He received an anonymous tip.

My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they say she was imaginary...

Well, jokes on them - they're imaginary too.

One day I'll pretend to be gay. I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected...BAAM!!!

I'll have sex with their boyfriends

My friend was just crushed by a bunch of books!

I guess he only has his shelf to blame

I was real upset when I lost my nonbinary friend at the store

But I felt better when someone told me "They're there"

My friend always tells everyone that he's a private investigator,

but within our group of friends we know he's just a gynecologist.

What do you call friends that you go out to eat with?

Taste buds.

My friend Ted wants me to be a nice person and quit drugs

But I'm a dick, Ted

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then, why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married."

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.

I wanted to change my name to Dragon Ball Z...

My friend said, "Wow, that's a lot of papers you have to fill out!" I said "Yeah, this isn't even my final form!"

A horse walks into a bar.

“Hey," says the bartender.

The horse neighs excitedly and says, “My friend, you read my mind!"

What's the kid friendly term for Bukkake?

Baby-shower

My friend got hired at a dildo factory

He got fired the very next day for sitting on the job

Friendship: Men vs. Women

Friendship Between Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The suspicious husband called his wife's 10 best friends. none of them knew about it.

Friendship Between Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The suspicious woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.