Girl jokes

My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father.

But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

Fortune Teller

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.

Last night I fucked a girl named Penny - is that spooky or what?

I made the Earth move for the last girl I had sex with.

And then I moved it back to the hole I had buried her in.

What worse than two girls running with scissors?

Two girls scissoring with the runs.

What is it called when a girl in the military squirts?

an honorable discharge.

(made this one up at work)

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.

She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

Fuck you, Chelsey.

Would the person who schedules the girls at a brothel...

...be called the whore-ganizer?

To determine a rabbit's sex from afar, try sneaking up on them and shouting: if he runs, it's a boy.

If *she* runs, it's a girl.

Not quite what she was expecting...

Guy: I work with animals every day!

Girl: That's so sweet! Are you a vet or a pet shop own-

Guy: I'm a butcher.

Lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome

I wanted my first time to be special

A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied,

"thanks for the Baghdad"

The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best.

Winter: Well you can build snowmen, and the snow is so beautiful. And Christmas!! Everyone loves Christmas!

Spring: Well sure but come springtime everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!

Summer: yes but I am undoubtably the overall best season, girls in bikinis, ice cream, nice weather. You can't top that. What about you autumn what do you have to offer?

Autumn: * leaves *

A little girl asks her father: "Daddy, what is corruption?"

-- Go bring me a beer and I'll tell you.

-- But mommy said you should stop drinking!

-- Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.

-- Oh, okay!

Bunny

A little girl walks into a pet shop. She asks the owner for a bunny, to which he responds "what kind of bunny would you like? A cute black one, an adorable brown one or perhaps a sweet little white one?"

The girl looks at the owner and answers: "I don't think my python really cares..."

Girl: "Come over"

Guy: "I'm coming over"

Girl: "We should stop using walkie talkies when we're having sex, over."

A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..

After hnoeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...

After a few drinks, billionaire’s friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..

‟It is simple” billionaire boasts.... ‟I faked my age”

‟Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you’re?” A friend asks.

With a smile on his lips billionaire responds ‟85 years old”

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday.

That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

Girls, if your man starts acting weird while sexting;

Send him a picture of a naked grandma, then send him a picture of your boobs. He just needs turning off and back on again.

A girl I met told me her pussy tasted like a rainbow...

Found out she meant 'Trout' and not 'Skittles.'

Told a girl she looks better without her glasses on.

She said I also look better without her glasses on.