Girl jokes

A cute girl at work said she'd only go on a date with me on a day that doesn't end in 'Y'

I said "Great! I'll pick you up tomorrow!"

Hey girl, are you interested in premature ejaculatiors? Cause

Hnnng, nevermind

What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girl's butt hole?

You know you shouldn't, but sooner or later you're gonna give it a lick.

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl.

"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"

"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

My buddy questioned, "How do you get so many girls into bed with you?" I laughed, "Easy, I just do what Arnold Schwarzenegger does." Puzzled, he asked, "What, work out all day and look like a Greek God?"

"No, I pull out a shotgun and say, 'Come with me if you want to live'."

When I die I want to come back as a spider,

That way I'll finally hear girls say "omg it's huge"

Girls call me Mr. Microsoft

because I have a 3.5 inch floppy

I went to a pharmacy and asked for 50 condoms..

I was about to pay for it when I heard 2 girls laughing at me.

I looked at them straight in the eye and said, "Make that 52."

Now both of them have condom balloons :D

As a guy, I refuse to play as a female character in online games.

Not because I’m sexist, I just don’t think it’s right to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are bad at games.

Dangerous trick

Circus. The most popular and dangerous trick, guy put his penis in crocodile's mouth, croc shuts his mouth, the guy hits croc on the head, croc opens up his mouth and guy takes his penis unharmed, everybody applaud!

Than guy asks the audience: if you can do it, I'll pay anybody $1000!!!!

Girl stands up and says: "I'll do it, just don't hit me on the head!!!!"

I lived in a houseboat for a while, and started seeing the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific so I said

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

I met my dream girl at the morgue

but she didn't warm up to my advances.

A good looking girl waved at me today...

but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.

Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight?

Girl: I have a boyfriend.

Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow.

Girl: What does that have to do with anything?

Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.

For me, getting girls is like spreading butter...

It's much easier with a knife.

If you call a girl beautiful 1000 times she won't really notice. But if you call her fat once, she will never forget...

That's because elephants never forget.

A pimp opened a whore house...

But he didn't have any girls so he had to run it by hand.

You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. “Terry?!” you say laughing, “Terry’s a girls name!” Without any hesitation, Terry pulls out a gun and shoots you dead.

You have died of dissin’ Terry :(

Your essays should be like a girls skirt.

Long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep it interesting and on the desk by Friday midnight.