I jokes

There are some sounds that everyone loves:

- Shoes on gravel - Crackling of fire - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you - Cats purring

I know I'm valuable; I come with a barcode ;)

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope...

Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant." Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad." Wife: "No, you're not."

What flour do you give an orphan? Self-raising.

"I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."

What's an orphan's favorite movie? Home alone.

"Go big or go home," that's what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that's what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" That's what I say.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.

I wanna be a Christmas decoration because they always do be hanging.

When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump, Then the speed bump starts screaming.

How do parents punish their blind kids? They re-arrange the furniture.

Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.

I made a website for orphans; unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.

Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.