I jokes

People who have Only Fans,

What is stopping you from upgrading to an Air Conditioner?

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch, thinking that their wife should be really happy.

I used to hate Nihilist humor...

but nothing is funny to me now.

A girl walks up to her mother and asks, "Mommy, why am I named Clover?"

"Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family."

Then, her other daughter walks up. "Mommy, why am I named Nirvana?"

"Because, your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened."

Finally, her son walks up to her. "Those names make sense, but why am I named *Cakeday?"*

His mother sighs. "Your father believes it is the best way to earn karma."

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with two people is called a twosome...

then I know why people call you handsome.

Dads are like boomerangs..

..I hope.

How much do you weigh, dad?

Dad: 80 kg. with my glasses on. Child: How much do you weigh without your glasses? Dad: I don't know. I can't see.

Why do people consistently make bad chemistry jokes?

Because all the good ones Argon.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos

If I had a dollar for every woman who's seen me naked...

...I could pay that fine I got for indecent exposure.

I was walking in the park...

..and I saw a beautiful girl. I went up to her, spark flew, she fell at my feet and before I knew it we were having sex.

God do I love my new taser.

Coffee

When I drink coffee I can’t sleep.

Really? I have the exact opposite.

Wow, seriously?

Yes, when I sleep I can’t drink coffee.

What's the similarity between a woman living in Saudi Arabia and Amsterdam?

They both get stoned after sex.

We argued all day about what to call a medieval soldier

But it was getting late so we decided to call it a knight.

Why did the King take a second job as a bartender?

When it reigns it pours.

A chemist froze himself at -273.15°C, everyone said he was crazy....

....but he was 0K.

Angry Mom.

Last night, I was trying to annoy my little brother. I kept tickling his feet... and my Mom went fucking crazy and screamed: "WOULD YOU WAIT UNTIL HE'S FUCKING BORN!?!?"

I don't have a great relationship with my doctor.

In fact, I feel sick every time I see her.

What is the opposite of progress?

Congress

What’s white and blue and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?

A fridge in a denim jacket.