Murder jokes

They say in every friend group there is 1 willing to commit murder

I killed the guy I suspected most before he could do any harm .

What do you call two crows on a branch?

Attempted murder.

Redneck murders are hard to solve.

Never any dental records and all the DNA's the same.

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.

“Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. “Yes,” replied the murderer. “Will you hold my hand?”

My roommate got in trouble with the police because he had two crows in our apartment as pets.

The cops arrested him for attempted murder.

Why are no murders solved in West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA and no one has any teeth.

What do you call a group of crows who see food?

A tempted murder.

I'll see myself out now.

If ever I commit murder, I'm doing it with Indian flatbread.

Naan violent crimes get shorter sentences in respect for their counterparts.

Officer 1: This murder seems racially motivated.

Officer 2: Hate crime?

Officer 1: Of course I hate crime, idiot. That’s why I became a cop.

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

What's a difference between a crusade and a homicide

In one, you murder for a book and in other you are booked for a murder.

I witnessed an attempted murder earlier...

Luckily only one crow showed up...