A nights work...
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar.
She says, "Hey, tonight is your lucky night. I’ve got a very special game for us to play. Tonight I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy replies, "Hey, why not?, you're on" So he proceeds to put £300 on the bar from his wallet, and says to the sex worker slowly. "Paint...my....house."
I once dated a girl with a twin. People asked me how I could tell them apart
It was simple.
Jill painted her nails purple and Bob had a cock.
Rorschach
Who is this Rorschach guy and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
In the words of Bill Murray...
An Irish man knocks on the door of an old lady, he says he's broke and looking for work. The old lady says "Sure, I'll pay you to paint my porch." So she gives the Irish man some paint and he leaves.
One hour later the man comes back, "Are you already done?" the lady asked, "Aye." said the Irish man, "But it's not a porch it's a Mazda."
There's been an explosion at the paint factory where my brother works.
He's missing, presumed red.
What does it take to paint a wall red?
Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
I painted my computer black so it would run faster.
Now it doesn't work.
Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
Now the whole system is corrupt.
How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?
Easy, just paint his balls red.
Now what’s the loudest noise in the jungle?
A giraffe eating cherries
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint
You have to say
Leroy, please paint that wall
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue Paint
Fuck, I’m bored
$1,000 worth of products were stolen from a Games Workshop today
Police are looking for a book and three pots of paint.
Artist: “How are my paintings selling?”
Gallery owner: “When I explained how the value would greatly increase after your death, very well! One person bought 15 paintings!”
Artist: "Oh! That’s amazing! Who bought them?”
Gallery owner: “Your doctor.”