People jokes

Most people are shocked when they find out...

...how incompetent I am as an electrician.

What has two butts and kills people?

An assassin.

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

I've been told by people I light up a room

According to police it's called arson and those people are "witnesses"

Bob told me he could never kill an animal.

He's more of a people person.

Only self aware people will understand this joke.

You know who you are.

People think that I'm stupid because I ask them for money in exchange of politically incorrect opinions.

Well, I beg to differ.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

They say people are 75% water. But I'm 100% useless.

What do depressed people and apples have in common? They both hang from trees.

"Go big or go home," that's what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that's what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" That's what I say.

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.

I’m thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

There are two types of people in this world: those that pee in the shower

And fucking liars.

Apparently people think that I am condescending

(that means I look down on people)

There is a fine line between the denominator and the numerator

Only a fraction of people will find this funny

What do you call two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard?

A pillow fight.

The people you meet as a firefighter are really weird sometimes.

I met this woman today who kept demanding I shave her baby.

The Lego store near my house just reopened after lockdown...

People were lining up for blocks.