Race jokes

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast

UK police today arrested a man for shooting a starting pistol at someone.

They are treating the offence as race related.

Why does Kevin Spacey never get 1st place in races?

Because he likes to come in a little behind.

Boy: Dad, look! I got a new Xbox!

Dad: Wow! Where did you get it?

Boy: I won it in a race.

Dad: Nice! How many people were there?

Boy: Ummm . . . two others

Dad: Who were they?

Boy: Ummm . . . I don’t remember

Dad: C’mon. You must remember one of them

Boy: Well, there was me . . .

Dad: And . . .?

Boy: The store owner and the police

The French and the British decided to have two cats swim a race across the English Channel...

They named the French cat "un deux trois cat" and the British, "one two three cat."

Which cat made it across first?

The British cat, because everyone knows that un deux trois cat cinq.

I’m not a racist. I treat every race equally

Even the bad ones

Just met my friend on the street crying his eyes out so I asked him what was wrong

He said "Today is the 2nd of the 2nd 2022 and I just turned 22 so I went to the bookies and put €222 on the second horse in the second race of the day.. It was at 2.22!"

"That all sounds great" I said, "What went wrong"?

"He came second".

Why don't Natzis participate in triathlons?

Because they hate mixed races.

If I owned a race horse, I would name it My Face

Just to hear the crowed chant "COME ON! COME ON MY FACE!"

"...and here comes My Face coming up from the rear!"

What is the difference between Hitler and Seabiscuit?

Seabiscuit could finish a race.

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins?

Society

I had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it's shell...

It only made it more sluggish.

Congratulations to Donald J. Trump for winning

the silver medal in the 2020 U.S. Presidential race!

My cousin thinks he's cool because he sleeps in a race car bed.

Little does he know I sleep in an actual car.