Ring jokes

Who rings a doorbell three times? Indiends aring aging aging

A rich guy and his poor drinking buddy were at the bar before Christmas...

The rich guy, making small talk, goes

"So I got my wife a new diamond ring and a BMW for Christmas. That way if she doesn't like the ring, at least she'll still love the Beemer!"

The poor guy goes:

"Huh, well I got my wife a pair of pantyhose and a dildo. That way if she doesn't like the pantyhose, she can go fuck herself."

(Thanks Dad.)

A guy walks into a bookstore and asks for a book on Pavlov and Schrodinger.

The book keeper says it rings a bell but he doesn't know if it is there or not.

I called the tinnitus hotline

but it just kept ringing :/

A guy is laying in bed with his mistress...

- Shouldn't your husband be coming soon? Cause I'd rather not see him, he's my best friend after all... - Don't worry, he won't be here before an hour.

At that moment, the phone rings. The woman answers : "Hi honey. Ok honey, yes honey. Bye Honey"

She hangs up and turns towards her lover :

- It was my husband, he'll be an hour late. He's playing pool with you.

I just swallowed a mood ring.

Not quite sure how I feel about it...

A drunk is in a bar, lying on the floor and looking the worse for wear. Other bar patrons decide to be good samaritans and to take him home. They pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and he falls down four more times. Mission accomplished, they prop him against the door jam and ring the doorbell. "Here's your husband!" they exclaim proudly. "Where's his wheelchair?" asks the puzzled wife....

Did you hear? Copies of The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and The Silmarillion are considered one-of-a-kind when sold and traded.

They're Non-Fungible Tolkiens.

My wife woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy.

She’s Tolkien in her sleep.

Buying my girl an engagement ring was a lot like getting new tires for the truck..

Even though she looks the same, she rode much better afterwards.

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'

'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, ‘You must have a vase somewhere!'

So today, someone stole my Mood Ring.....

I honestly don't know how to feel about it.

Pavlov walks into a bar

As he opens the door the bell rings. "Oh shit!" Yells Pavlov, "I forgot to feed my dogs!"

Wives are like grenades... Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!

Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship?

The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring

If any one on this sub is thinking of getting married soon, please consider this carefully

On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don't.

A plumber rings the doorbell

"Come in", says the homeowner, Stacy.

"Hi, I am the plumber, sorry for being a bit late"

"That's fine, my sister must have called for you"

"Alright. So where's that disgusting clogged up mess?"

"Her name actually is Rita, and she's not home at the moment".

If a ring for a toe is a toe ring...

Then shouldn't a ring for a finger be a *fingering*

Jehova

This morning someone was ringing the doorbell, so I opened the door and there was a young man standing there. "Hello sir" he said, "I'm a Jehova's Witness". I invited him in, offered him something to drink and we sat down in the living room. "So, what would you like to talk about?" I asked. He looked up from his cup of tea and said "To be honest sir, I havn't got the faintest idea, I never made it this far..."

A woman places an ad looking for a man to be her lover

The ad reads: "Looking for a man with 3 qualities: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed."

A few days later her doorbell rings. The man says, "Hi, I’m Dave. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no feet so I won’t run away."

"What makes you think you're great in bed?" the woman retorts.

Dave replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?"