She jokes

Suzy

Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.

Thief

To the wheelchair-bound thief who took my camouflage jacket: You can hide, but you can't run.

Men

During an FBI exam, three men face a scenario: to shoot their wives. The first two couldn't do it. The third admits, "The gun wasn't loaded, so I strangled her."

Uncle

Ever heard of 'Naked and Afraid'? That's my uncle's version of hide and seek.

A police officer spots an elderly woman carrying two large sacks, one leaking $20 bills. He asks her, "Where did you get all that money?" She explains, "There's a golf course behind my house. When golfers pee through a hole in my fence, I threaten to cut it off unless they pay $20."

The cop asks about the other sack. She replies, "Not everyone pays."

Boss

I told my boss that he needs to raise my salary because two companies are after me.

Boss: "What companies are those?"

Me: "The electricity company and the water company."

Friend

My flat earther friend decided to prove his theory by walking to the end of the world

In the end, he came around.

Rights

What do we want ?

rights for midgets

when do we want them ?

shortly

Friend

Just met my friend on the street crying his eyes out so I asked him what was wrong

He said "Today is the 2nd of the 2nd 2022 and I just turned 22 so I went to the bookies and put €222 on the second horse in the second race of the day.. It was at 2.22!"

"That all sounds great" I said, "What went wrong"?

"He came second".

Tampon

2 tampons are walking past each other, which one says "hi", first.

Neither, they're both stuck up cunts.

I wish my ex could look down from heaven and see me now...

But nooooooo! The mother fucker is still alive.

Wife

My wife was feeding the baby and complained that she just refused to latch and suck.

"Aww," I said. "More like her mother every day."

My girlfriend enjoys "doggy style" in the bedroom.

I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

Friend

I had this friend named Leonardo. We called him Lee. Anyway, he didn't have alot of money. In fact, he was basically broke...

So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.

My wife keeps trying to give me a blowjob while on the treadmill

Its the worst running gag of all time