There jokes

“My dad drives like the lightning!”

“Wow, he’s that good, yeah?”

“Well I don’t know. He drives really fast and from time to time he hits a tree.”

Chuck Norris Joke

A priest, Jesus and Chuck Norris are on a sinking boat. Jesus starts to walk back to land. Chuck Norris does the same. The priest says "Lord, please let me walk on water", tries to walk but drowns. When Jesus and Chuck Norris got on land Jesus asked him "Shouldn't we have told him where the stones are"? And Chuck answered "Which stones"

When it comes to dealing with stress, studies suggest masturbation is twice as effective as sex

So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush

Have you heard of the band 1023 Megabytes?

They've never had any gigs.

I heard there was a documentary on Netflix about the clitoris

I couldn’t find it.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity

It's impossible to put down

What's the the difference between a man on a bicycle wearing a tuxedo and a man on a unicycle wearing sweatpants and a hoodie?

Attire.

What's captain hook's least favorite app?

Tiktok

What does a microorganism say when they give birth to their sister?

OW! My toe sis.

Two scientists were walking around in Russia during winter

Scientist one: It's really cold outside, how many degrees?

Scientist two: it's -40°

Scientist one: Celsius or Fahrenheit?

Scientist two: Yes.

My friend told me to stop speaking in numbers...

but I didn't 1 2.

I'm not very good at DIY but I managed to attach a piece of wood to another piece of wood.

Nailed it.

“Poor Old fool,”...

...thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

I don't understand why people spoil movies...

What's their endgame?

What do lesbians and politicians have in common?

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit

Why do they call it the Dark Ages?

Because of all the Knights

"These speakers didn't cost that much so I doubt they will work well"

"that is a cheap stereotype"

So I just turned 21 and there is still no change in my eyesight...

when do I get my adult supervision?

I had to stop watching An Inconvenient Truth after 20 minutes.

Can't stand movies with that much gore.

What is the difference between a dollar and a ruble ?

A dollar.