Jokes

Jew problems

An old jew comes to a rabbi and says: "Please help me, my son became a christian!"

The rabbi replies: "i can't help you, god has the same problem."

I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn't swim.

The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.

A Seventh Grade Health Class

was learning about pregnancy. Young Suzy asks her teacher, "Can my grandma get pregnant?" Her teacher replies that no, she can't, shes far too old. Suzy then asks if her fifty year old mother could get pregnant. Her teacher tells her no, shes a little too old for that. Suzy, puzzled, asks if she can get pregnant. Her teacher freaks out and tells her "Don't even think about it young lady, you're far too young!" Johnny pipes up from the back of class "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about!"

My wife recently got a seashell tattooed on her thigh.

When you put your ear close to it, you can really smell the ocean.

A man just got a car for his wife.

Now, thats what you call a fair trade.

I asked my Roman friend for a high five

Got HIV instead

Why are women so bad at backing up their vehicles?

Because we're constantly lied to about how long 6 inches is.

Batman says to Alfred, “I’m really tired Alfred, it's been an exhausting day, please can you just get the bathtub ready for me?"

Alfred replies, "Master Wayne, what is a htub?"

A hole

There's a hole in the nudist camp wall.

The police are looking into it.

Fun fact

Before the invention of the crow bar most crows got drunk at home

I used to get sad when the leaves fell from the trees...

But then they always grew back, so that was a releaf.

The people that work at my bank are so nice!

Every time they call, they say my loans are outstanding!

Was playing with my balls and then I found my first gray pubic hair, but I kept calm!

Unlike the rest in the elevator..

A man walks into a gym and kills everyone there brutally

After the investigation, the police state that the victims could only be described as ripped and shredded

What’s the difference between science and religion?

Science flies you to the moon while religion flies you into buildings.

What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store?

Picking his nose

What did the Russian say when she was turned on?

I am soviet

I took my Biology exam last Friday

I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

There’s a band called 1023MB

They haven’t had any gigs yet

Why is Joseph jealous of Jesus ?

Because Jesus has a second coming while Joseph didn't even get a first.