4 jokes

My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.

He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.

Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge of directing, Yoda was

A woman calls 911 and paramedics rush her unconscious husband to the hospital She limps into the ER as the nurses wheel him in on a stretcher,

his enormous erection clearly visible under the sheet. The doctor runs some tests and says to her "Ma'am, it appears your husband overdosed on Viagra and is in a coma. How long has he been like this?"

"About 4 days" she replies

"4 days?! Why did you wait until now to get help?"

"I ran out of lube this morning"

Why did Trump hold his press conference at the 4-seasons garden centre, between a sex shop and a crematorium?

Because he was between a cock and a charred place.

I hate it when people think they can just waltz into my room..

When what I’m listening to is clearly in 4/4

A Scientologist, a Catholic, and a Mormon are talking about their families.

The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". The Mormon speaks up and deadpans. "I've got 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

Sex with a weatherman must suck.

Always telling you to expect 8-12 inches, only to find out it's not even 4.

What do you call a cow...

...w/ no legs? Ground beef.

...w/ 1 leg? Stake.

...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.

...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.

...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you dummy.

...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.

...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.

...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.

...w/ a twitch? Beef jerky.

I could keep going but I've milked this joke dry

When I was 16 my bestfriend got super mad at me once and wouldnt talk to me for nearly 4 months for smelling his sisters underwear.

Idk if it was because she was still wearing them or that there was a lot of people around us, but either way, it made the rest of the funeral super awkward

How to fall down stairs

* Step 1 * Step 2 * Step 4 * Step 15

Today is 4/22!

If you missed 4/20, don't worry because today is 4/22

The doctor gave me 4 months to live.

So I shot him. The judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved.

I became a proud dad today!

Well my son is 4.. But he was a boring little cunt for the first 3 years.

A joke my 4 year old came up with today...

Him: ‟What‘s the only mammal that can breathe under water?”

Me: ‟I dunno, what?”

Him (loudly): ‟An elephant sticking his trunk up!”

A German couple has a baby...

For 4 years he makes no sound, does not speak. Then one day the mother gives him soup, he says “This soup is cold.” The parents are amazed and ask “If you can talk, why have you not spoken before?” The child replies “Up to now everything has been satisfactory!”

Recreational marijuana is legal in 10 out of the 50 states.

That's 4/20th of the United States.

I fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels

She didn't know I existed

Teacher: Billy if there are 5 birds on a fence and you shoot 1 how many birds are left?

Billy: None the others would fly away at the sound of the gun.

Teacher: The answer is 4 but I like the way you think.

Billy: I have a question Miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 licking, 1 biting, and 1 sucking, which one is married?

Teacher blushing, nervously answers “the one sucking.”

Billy: The answer is the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think.

I'm a 21-year-old multimillionaire. Here's how I did it.

1. I get up at 5:00 AM every day 2. I run for an hour before breakfast 3. Afterward, I take a cold shower to wake me up. 4. Journaling is key. You never know when you might need to remember something. 5. Always write down an appointment as soon as you get it. 6. My dad owns a Fortune 500 company. 7. I meditate every day

Five Important Qualities

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.