America jokes

Why's it taking so long to legalise gay marriage in the whole of the US?

I mean, America had four fathers and it turned out alright

It’s sad that nothing is made in America anymore...

I just bought a new t.v. and it said “Built in antenna” I don’t even know where that is!

Everyone says that China doesn't have any freedom of speech. That's obviously untrue.

In the United States, you can go up to the White House and shout "Down with America!", and you won't be punished for it.

Similarly, in China, you can go up to the Communist Party Headquarters and shout "Down with America!", and you won't be punished for it.

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Wanted to update an oldie but goodie to modern times.

If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

First visit to America as German guy!

I was pissing on the side of the road when suddenly an American girl walks by. She saw my penis and shouted "GROSS!"

I shouted back "DANKE!"

Do Transformers get car insurance or health insurance?

Nether. They’re immigrants in America.

A Canadian visits America and gets held at gunpoint by a stranger

The stranger says, "give me all your money and I'll let you live!"

The Canadian replies gleefully, "Oh! You must be what they call a doctor!"

There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy...

Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846. JFK was elected into Congress in 1946.

Lincoln was elected President in 1860. JFK was elected President in 1960.

Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy. Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.

A week before he died, Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before he died, Kennedy was in Marilyn Monroe.

--- Credit goes to the play: The Complete History of America: Abridged

Why did the French give the statue of liberty to America?

They had no use for a statue with only one hand raised

Why doesn't America use the metric system?

They have a foot fetish

In the next Marvel movie I hear that Ironman, Captain America and the others will team up to battle Comcast .

It is called Avengers Xfinity Wars!

Great minds think alike...

That's why we have so many opinions in America

"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!" In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

What do you call Hulk dressed up as Captain America?

Star-Spangled Banner

Some say that we should bring back corporal punishment in schools.

I say we just shoot the little bastards like they do in America.

A professor asks a graduate student what he's working on these days.

"I'm writing a thesis on the survival of the class system in America," the student said.

"Oh, that's interesting. I didn't know there was a class system in America."

"No one does. That's how it survives."

A zombie is trying to get his kid to eat their dinner

"Eat your food, there's people in America with no brains at all"

What's the difference between America and a pot of yogurt?

If you leave a pot of yogurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture.

In America police dogs are K9

In China they are E10.

As an American, I see a lot of jokes here saying that America is the dumbest country.

It's ridiculous and unfair. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.