Boss's daughter!
Employee: Sir, you called me?
Boss: Yeah,go to the rest room and masturbate.
Employee, after few minutes: Done sir.
Boss: Do it again.
Employee: Done again, sir.
Boss: Do it once more.
Employee : Now I don't have stamina for it, sir.
Boss: Very good, here are my keys, drop my daughter at home.
I got fired from my job at Planned Parenthood
My boss didn’t like me saying “Takeout or delivery?” whenever someone walked in the door
Called my boss, what's the different between work and your daughter.
I will not be coming into work today.
My boss showed up to work in a brand new Bentley
I complimented him on the quality of his ride. He said “well son if you work hard and put in those extra hours, in a few years I’ll get another.”
My boss calls me "the computer".
Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.
An employee gets called into his boss’s office...
Boss: “Young man, you have risen very fast in this company. Two years ago, you began as an office boy. In a couple of months, you were a clerk. Then, you became a salesman, after that assistant manager, then manager. Now you are the vice president of the company. What have you to say about all this?"
Employee: "Thanks, Dad".
The boss tells one of his jokes and everyone burst out laughing in the office. Except for one guy.
When asked "Why didn't you laugh?" He responded " I don't work here"
I want to hire a Mexican, An Italian and a Russian
To show up at my funeral in black suits and say "thank you boss", then leave. Just so that my Family and Friends would think I had something Big going on.
I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office.
Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.
I just got fired from my job as a massage therapist
My boss said I rub people the wrong way
I told my boss that he needs to raise my salary because two companies are after me.
Boss: "What companies are those?"
Me: "The electricity company and the water company."
The Boss always insisted that only Abdul should serve his coffee, but
yesterday, this conversation happened.
Boss: Abdul, since the last 8 years you have brought me coffee filled to the brim without spilling even a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?
Abdul: Sir, just before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.
Today is Abdul's farewell party.
Boss shows up at a job site
Boss: "Bob where were you I've been looking for you since morning!!!!! It's lunch time already!!!!"
Bob: "Boss, a good employee is hard to find."
Cant work for my boss anymore
Me: I cant work for my boss anymore after what he told me yesterday.
Friend: What did he say?
Me: " You're fired "
My boss came storming in to the office this morning, yelling that he’ll fire the employee with the worst posture...
I have a hunch it might be me...
My boss really hates it when I shorten his name to Dick...
Mostly because his name is Steve...
A man walks into the bar...
The bartender: "Hi Dave!"
The boss faints.
A lot of people seem surprised when I tell them I regularly have sex with my boss
One of the many perks of self employment.
Its disgusting how often women are subjected to sexism in todays society...
One of my feminist friends managed to get herself a new job recently, and literally the first thing her misogynist pig boss asked her to do was to make him a sandwich! Naturally my friend took a stand and quit on the spot, she's even talking about boycotting the entire company.
Fucking Subway...
Sam walks into his boss’s office.
“Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.”
After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave.
“By the way”, asks the boss as Sam is getting up, “which three companies are after you?”
“The electric company, water company, and phone company”, Sam replied.