Call jokes

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller!

What do you call a person with severe ADHD

AD4K

What do you call a breakdancer with dwarfism?

A midget spinner

Did you know toothpaste was invented in the southern states?

otherwise it’d be called teethpaste.

What do you call a line at the gay bar?

An LGBT queue.

What do you call a gay guy in a coma?

A tomato

What’s it called when a flower gives head?

Floral

English lord to his servant: James a glass of water please. Here you are sir. Thank you James. Another glass of water please. Sure sir, here you are. Thank you, James.

James, please call the firemen, I don't think we can put out this fire on our own.

There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast.

On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"

They call my dick 'the landmine'...

because the second anyone touches it, it explodes :(

Nurse: “My phone just died.”

Doctor: “Let’s call it.”

They used to be called "Jumpolines"

Till your mother had a go.

What do you call a computer mouse that swears a lot?

A cursor!

A woman astronaut calls her base: -Houston we have a problem. -What is it? -Nothing...

It's so hot outside that I almost called my ex.

So I could be around something shady.

Hear about the time Mohammed's wife called him a pedophile?

Mohammed responded "Pedophile is a pretty big word for a 9 year old!"

What do you call a fake gun?

A JK-47

What do you call an elephant who doesn't matter?

An irrelephant

I'm so stressed that I'm going to try that Chinese thing with the needles, what's it called?

Oh yeah, heroin

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat.

After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”

“The cat is dead,” he replied coldly.

She cried out and said, “You could have said the cat is playing on the roof on the first day, and the next day, it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing’s dead!

No reply. The wife sighed sadly, “Anyways, how’s my mom?”

“She’s playing on the roof.”