Change jokes

Husband says, "My olympic condoms have arrived tonight so I am going to wear a gold one."

Wife says, "Why don’t you wear a silver one and come second for a change."

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light-bulb?

None. Don't worry about me, I'll just sit here in the dark.

If Facebook buys Gmail then the 'mark as seen' option would be changed to 'Mark has seen'.

Apple's stock surges on announcement of two-child policy change in China

After 10years a wife started to think their child looks kinda strange so she did a DNA test and found out the child is not theirs, she told her husband what she found out.

The husband replied, you don't remember do you? When we were leaving the hospital the baby pooped and you told me to go and change him so I went inside got a clean one and left the dirty one there.

How is eating pussy similar to smoking a cigarette?

The flavor changes as you get closer to the butt.

I told the doctor I didn’t want brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

How many guys in the friendzone does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just stand around and compliment it, and then get pissed when it won't screw

A man and a woman were in bed getting ready to sleep...

...sudendly the man farts and tries to think of an excuse.

-1:0 I am winning, - says the man. Few moments later the woman lets out a big fart.

-1:1 draw, - says the woman with a smile on her face.

Man does not want to lose so he tries and tries to fart very hard. Sudendly he farts and craps all over his bed side.

-Half time break, change of sides, - says the man calmly.

What’s it called when a chameleon can’t change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction!

A corporal needed to use the pay phone but didn't have change.

He saw a private mopping the floor nearby and asked, "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" The private replied, "Sure, hang on." The corporal gave him an icy stare and yelled, "That's no way to address your superior! Straighten up and let's try that again! Private, do you have change for a dollar?"

The private stood at attention and boomed, "NO SIR!"

OnlyFans has just announced that it is removing all pornography on october 1st.

I suggested they change their name to LonelyFans, but i dunno

A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.

They were wearing robes and sandals, had shaved heads and holding up signs.

One sign read "The End is Near!"

The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!"

He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you religious nuts!" He yelled.

He sped off round the corner. There was a squeal of brakes and a loud splash.

One of the sign- holders turned to the other and said "Maybe we should simply write 'warning: bridge ahead closed'"

A guy named John Asshole goes to the courthouse change his name

The judge asks him: "What's your name?"

John was a ashamed of saying it out loud so he wrote his name down and passed it to the judge

The judge holds his laugh and asks him "Well, obviously your name must be changed. What name do you prefer to be called from now on, sir?"

"Mark Asshole"

So I just turned 21 and there is still no change in my eyesight...

when do I get my adult supervision?

Gender roles are changing. Nowadays some women get mad when you hold a car door open.

Particularly the ones on bikes.

How many Apple engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They no longer make that socket, you just buy a new house.

Did you hear they changed the font of alphabet soup?

Now it is Times New Ramen

Tried to change my password to Twilight...

...but got an error message saying please re-enter as this contains too many useless characters :(