An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge.
Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer. "How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly?" he asks. "99.97%," the engineer replies confidently. The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around. "Guess I'm swimming then."
Why doesn't America use the metric system?
They have a foot fetish
So two people are about to have sex for the first time
and the lady says, "Unfortunately I have small boobs, is that alright with you?"
To which the male replies, "Yea it's alright, I have a dick like a baby."
After the sex the lady exclaims, "You have the biggest penis I have ever seen in my life, Why did you say it was like a baby?"
"It is. 9 pounds 6 ounces and a foot in height."
You know what they say. Big hands, big feet...
Two outta three ain't bad!
What does Big Foot keep time with?
His sasqwatch
I feel sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night...
He had 7 dudes on stage, all hypnotized, then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled "F*** ME". What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my days.
There's an actual medical term for when your foot falls asleep.
It's called 'coma toes'
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose
Never thought a foot doctor would help...
...now I stand corrected.
Why do foot fetishists always lose?
They like the taste of defeat
If someone with a toe fetish cheats on you
Does that mean they got off on the wrong foot?
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand:
Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the “right sock,” no matter where it is located in the universe.
What has five toes but isn't your foot?
My foot.
Why do Foot fetishists make terrible Olympians?
They love the taste of defeet.
A rental van ran over my foot today...
Fucking Hertz!