I jokes

I like my oreos like I like my people...

...held under the surface till the bubbles stop.

How do you handle a redhead's temper?

Gingerly.

What's got two eyes, but can't see, two wings, but can't fly, and two legs, but can't walk?

A dead bird.

I'm in so much debt...

I could start a government.

What car has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

^^^^^sorry.

A Jewish Black kid walks up to his dad and asks if he is more Black than Jewish.

"Why son?" The dad asks. "Because there is a kid at school selling his bike for $50 and I was wondering if I should talk him down to $30 or just steal it."

What did the capital O say to the capital Q?

Dude, your dick's hanging out..

A wife texted her husband

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!" The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: "I am on the toilet. Please advise."

My girlfriend kept telling me she was going to break up with me if I didn't stop quoting the song I'm a Believer by The Monkees, but I thought she was just kidding...

Then I saw her face.

What does a prostitute and a bungee jump have in common?

They both cost a lot, last 5 seconds, and if the rubber splits you're fucked.

What do you call a Corvette following a Camaro at high speeds?

Chevy Chase.

People complain a lot about dealing with erectile dysfunction

But it's not exactly hard, is it?

What confuses a gay person?

Seven

A mosquito landed on my wife's face while she was asleep

Easiest decision of my life

Prostitute Joke.

Man : How much for a blowjob?

Prostitute : Ummm $20

Man : Ohhh Damn, it was $80 for my friend. I guess I am your favourite.

Prostitute : Cut it out, I charge $10 per inch.

In Ancient Rome there were 4 types of poison...

Poison I, II, III, would all kill you with varying degrees of pain. However poison IV would make you really itchy.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to do 34.5

She asked "what's that?"

I said "it's like 69 but you do all the work"

Therapist: So why doesn't the marriage work?

Wife: My husband uses to many Star Wars puns

Husband: Divorce is strong in this one

My girlfriend's dad just gave me the green light.

Which was very generous, but I don't find him sexy.

Why shouldn’t you ride in an airplane with Ben Shapiro?

Because he’s always trying to destroy the left wing.