Leg jokes

My kid is an amputee. For xmas I got her a new prosthetic leg.

It's just a stocking filler

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef!!!!! What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your mom.

What's E.T. short for?

Cause he's got little legs

A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.

So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes another sip and his legs pop out.

The boy is really happy and he runs outside in excitement and he's hit by an oncoming truck and killed instantly.

"What a shame" his dad said.

"He should have quit while he was ahead"

why does a milking stool only have three legs

because cows have the udder

My grandpa returned from the war with one leg.

We still don't know to whom that leg belonged.

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks

It cost me an arm and a leg!

The blind girl

I went to bed with a blind girl last night, and she said I had the biggest dick she'd ever laid her hands on... I said, "You're pulling my leg.."

“Doctor, please help, my friend broke his leg.”

“Sorry, but I’m a vet, I specialize in horses.”

“Come on, please, it can’t be that big of a difference?”

“Ok fine, just let me get my rifle from the car.”

I like the smell of mothballs.

But it can sometimes be hard getting their little legs apart.

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

A woman purchases an antique mirror...

in front of the mirror she playfully says " mirror mirror on the door, make my bust-line fourty four " and her breasts grew to enourmous proportions. She quickly ran to grab her husband and he decided to try it " mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!" and his legs fell off

Just got my vaccine, but they stuck the needle in my leg.

I spent the following day thinking “my Pfizer killing me”

What do you call a cow...

...w/ no legs? Ground beef.

...w/ 1 leg? Stake.

...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.

...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.

...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you dummy.

...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.

...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.

...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.

...w/ a twitch? Beef jerky.

I could keep going but I've milked this joke dry

I had my leg x-rayed today.

The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"

By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"

The doctor replied "披萨卷披萨卷2.54披萨卷"

An Australian was taking his girlfriend out for a night of passion under the stars.....

....when she was stung between the legs by a giant hornet. In a panic he wasn’t sure what to do so he rang the Australian Emergency Medical Helpline.... “Hello, I’m takin’ me Shiela out for a romantic night of camping and she’s just been stung by a hornet on her privates...and it’s all swollen and closed up”... “Ahhh bummer mate”, the helpline operator replied. “Oh cheers, great idea, thanks mate!” Replied Bruce... and put the ‘phone down.....

A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, an eyepatch, a parrot on his shoulder and a steering wheel in his pants.

The bartender says, “you’ve got a steering wheel in your pants”.

The pirate replies with, “arrr, I know, it’s driving me nuts!”.

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, my fingers because I can always count on them, my head for staying on top of things, my nuts for hanging in there, and my dick for standing up for me.

I’m using viagra for my sunburn

It doesn’t make it hurt any less but it keeps the sheets off my legs

Why do people say "break a leg" before an audition?

It's so that they'll end up in a cast.