Like jokes

Studying for finals is like playing Tetris

just when you seem to get the facts to fit together, all that you thought you learned disappears.

Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the national anthem.

It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.

Why is nostalgia like grammar?

We find the present tense and the past perfect

Two morgue workers are talking...

They are telling stories about the people they've had on their table when one of them says: "I had a woman come in the other day and she had breasts like watermelons, man."

"Well, I had a woman come in the other day," the other one says, "and she had a clitoris like a lemon."

"What? She had a huge clitoris?"

"No, it was really sour."

So two people are about to have sex for the first time

and the lady says, "Unfortunately I have small boobs, is that alright with you?"

To which the male replies, "Yea it's alright, I have a dick like a baby."

After the sex the lady exclaims, "You have the biggest penis I have ever seen in my life, Why did you say it was like a baby?"

"It is. 9 pounds 6 ounces and a foot in height."

Don't drive like my brother...

I was driving with my friend. We come to a red light and he speeds up and whips right through it. I start freaking out "Hey man, your going to get us killed!" He replies "Relax, my brother drives like this." We come to another red light and he blazes right through. "You're going to get arrested or get us killed!" "Relax this is how my brother drives." We come to a green light he stops dead looking both ways. "Dude, it's green you can go." "Nah man, my brother might be coming the other way."

What does Bond’s doorbell sounds like?

Dong. Ding Dong

Kids may be a gift.....

But I like playing with the box it came in.

A woman just asked me if I like thighs or breasts

I told her I like shaved vagina and anal. Apparently this is not an appropriate answer at KFC

A boy says to his dad, "Why do they say gardeners have got green fingers when their fingers aren't green?"

His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught red-handed', even though their hands are actually black."

What's the downside to cumming on the face of the girl you like?

Having to clean the monitor.

Common sense is like AIDS.

Some are born with it while others have to get it pounded into them.

Procrastinating is like masturbating

It's fun at first, but when all is said and done, you've just fucked yourself.

Have you heard of an Australian kiss?

.. it’s like a French kiss but down under!!

After sex I like to cook for my husband....

He usually appreciates coming home from work to a hot meal.

Dad jokes and Yo Mama jokes seem like they'd be the same

But the difference is a parent.

Buying my girl an engagement ring was a lot like getting new tires for the truck..

Even though she looks the same, she rode much better afterwards.

What did the vampire say after drinking the donkey's blood?

Tastes like ass.

Dads are like boomerangs..

..I hope.