Physicist, Engineer and Statistician are out bow-hunting.
They see a stag about a hundred feet away. The Physicist takes a shot, but he forgets to allow for wind resistance and the arrow falls five feet short. The Engineer takes his shot, but he adds too much of a fudge factor and the arrow's five feet too far.
The statistician goes "Nice job guys, we got him!"
Why do chicken coops have two doors?
Because if they had fours doors they would be chicken sedans.
A man answers his door and finds a piano tuner waiting on the step. 'Can I help' says the man 'I haven't ordered a piano tuner'
'I know you haven't' replies the piano tuner 'Your neighbours did for you'
a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar
it was queen and they were playing their first gig
What do you call an emo a capella group?
Self harmony
"Talk dirty to me!"she begged.
"Alright," he said leaning closer, "Volkswagon diesel!"
What is the difference between Germany and the bermuda triangle?
The bermuda triangle has three points.
A man is standing on a tall ledge.
A physicist yells from the street, "Don't jump! You have too much potential!"
The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life."
But alas John came fifth, so he won the toaster.
If online bullying has taught us anything.....
It's that people would sooner hang themselves than lose a bit of weight!!
Einstein said that the speed of light is faster than the speed of sound.
However it is possible that you may hear the sound of BMW's horn before the light turns green.
All countries eventually got coronavirus
But China got it right off the bat.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers
Common sense is like AIDS.
Some are born with it while others have to get it pounded into them.
"I'll do ANYTHING for an "A" in this class!"
"ANYTHING?!?" the professor asked.
"Yes," she said, "ANYTHING!"
"Will you . . . . study?"
Two gay men are walking down the street. One of them is wearing a very flashy shirt.
A woman approaches and says, "oh my gosh, I love your top!"
The man replies, "thank you! I love him too!"
Why did the tea-bag fall down the hill?
To steep.
If you had $1 for every time you've masturbated
What color would your Bugatti be?
What's the difference between Republicans and Ukrainians?
Ukrainians defend their Capitol.
A rope walks into a bar
And sees someone sitting at the bar reposting this joke. The rope hangs the reposter.