Restaurant jokes

A mummy calls a restaurant.

• Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.

•Could you spell it out, please?

•Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab.

I was set up on a blind date the other day by my friend, as I was getting ready he said "heads up, she's expecting a baby"

Now I feel pretty daft sitting in this restaurant wearing a diaper

What do chess and eating at a restaurant in Australia have in common?

They both end with a check mate

I met this girl at a vegan restaurant she said she knew me.

But I never met herbivore

So I decided to build a Restaurant on the moon

The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.

A computer goes up to a guy at a restaurant...

It says, "I'll be your server today."

Have you heard about the restaurant called karma?

There's no menu, you get what you deserve.

Four Karens are sitting in a restaurant...

A waitress comes up to their table and says "Good afternoon ladies, is anything alright?"

I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye

So I ordered really slow, because she obviously doesn't listen

Me as a server in a restaurant: "Do you wanna box for the rest of this food?"

Guest says yes, so I start to put on my gloves

Hitler walks into a restaurant...

Adolf walks in to a restaurant and states, "I'm hungry!"

The owner asks, "Well, what do you want to eat?"

Hitler replies with, "As long as it's *not-sea*food, I'm sure I'll love it!"

Vegan in a restaurant

Customer: I'm vegan, I don't eat gluten or carbs, I'm lactose intolerant, and allergic to nuts. What should I get?

Waiter: the fuck out

My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed. It completely ruined our 10-year anniversary.

My girlfriend wanted to go to one of those restaurants where they make the food in front of you

So I took her to Subway

Today, I walked into a restaurant.

"Hi, is my table ready?"

"No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?" "No, that's okay."

"Great, take these salads to table six then."

A man at a table in a restaurant suddenly starts to cry. The worried waiter asks, “Why are you crying?”

Man: “My wife said she won’t talk with me for a month.”

Waiter : “That’s terrible.”

Man: “Yes, the month ends today.”

Two lawyers sit in a restaurant.

They're eating homemade sandwiches. The server comes along and stops them: "Excuse me, but it is not allowed to bring your own food here"

The lawyers share a glance, sigh and trade the sandwiches.

I’m going to start a restaurant called: Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold. You know what we’re going to serve?

Just desserts...

I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit?

I said no. Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.