She jokes

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity

It's impossible to put down

What's the the difference between a man on a bicycle wearing a tuxedo and a man on a unicycle wearing sweatpants and a hoodie?

Attire.

What's captain hook's least favorite app?

Tiktok

What does a microorganism say when they give birth to their sister?

OW! My toe sis.

Two scientists were walking around in Russia during winter

Scientist one: It's really cold outside, how many degrees?

Scientist two: it's -40°

Scientist one: Celsius or Fahrenheit?

Scientist two: Yes.

My friend told me to stop speaking in numbers...

but I didn't 1 2.

I'm not very good at DIY but I managed to attach a piece of wood to another piece of wood.

Nailed it.

“Poor Old fool,”...

...thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

I don't understand why people spoil movies...

What's their endgame?

What do lesbians and politicians have in common?

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit

Why do they call it the Dark Ages?

Because of all the Knights

"These speakers didn't cost that much so I doubt they will work well"

"that is a cheap stereotype"

So I just turned 21 and there is still no change in my eyesight...

when do I get my adult supervision?

I had to stop watching An Inconvenient Truth after 20 minutes.

Can't stand movies with that much gore.

What is the difference between a dollar and a ruble ?

A dollar.

Told a girl she looks better without her glasses on.

She said I also look better without her glasses on.

A kid is selling lemonade...

The boy’s sign reads “1 cup for 25¢, 3 cups for $1

A construction worker stops by and asks to buy one cup of lemonade. "25 cents", says the kid.

The construction worker then buys another one, and another one, paying 25 cents each.

As the construction worker walks away, he turns around with a smile, and says: "Hey kid, you realize I just bought three cups for 75¢... Maybe lemonade stands aren’t your thing."

"I guess you're right" says the kid good-naturedly as he sets up the next 3 cups.

A father and his son went outside for a walk.

The son steps on a butterfly. The father jokes : “Your going to have to eat some butter now!”

When they return back to their home, they find the kid’s mother cooking in the kitchen. She accidentally steps on a cockroach. The son says to the father : “I’ll leave you guys to it then.”

In chemistry class the experiment called for 36 grams of the 83rd element on the periodic table. I could see that the girl next to me had weighed out 42 grams. When I told her she was getting a bit heavy she said....

I should mind my own bismuth.

What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

About one U.S Leader.