Superman was flying over a city NSFW
And he sees Wonderwoman laying naked on a rooftop patio in the sun. He swoops down and before she knows it, he rails her and flies off. "What was that?" she cries. The invisible man says "I dunno, but my asshole sure hurts."
My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding
She got mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me again!
I met my dream girl at the morgue
but she didn't warm up to my advances.
What do you call a prostitute who does both men and women?
An omniwhore.
A man was selling his TV on his front porch with a sign that says "$1". A bloke walks by and asks
'You're selling your TV for a dollar?'
'yup'
'It looks brand new!'
'It is.'
'What's wrong with it?'
'Oh the volume is turned all the way up and you can't change that'
'So whatever I watch the volume is on Max, and you're only selling it for a dollar?'
'yup'
'Wow, can't turn that down.'
“Stewardess”
“Yes, Sir?”
“I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can’t see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can’t sleep.”
“Captain, shut up and land the plane.”
A good looking girl waved at me today...
but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.
If Biden unfucks any more of Trump's mistakes any faster...
There'll be no Ivanka and Jr. by Sunday.
Why did the match factory burn down?
Because the workers went on strike
I just thought of this, not sure whether its an original joke
What does trump call the loose skin around a vagina?
A woman
TIFU by plugging in the wrong speaker into my computer, causing a blackout in my neighbourhood
Whoops, wrong sub
My Tinder bio says I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and I’m paid to travel
My dates are always upset when I tell them I’m a bus driver
What's the difference between a lobster and a Japanese woman run over by a steamroller?
One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian.
What is the difference between a wife and a job??
**Job still sucks after 10pm. ;)**
My dad was a WWII veteran.
During the Battle of Britain, in just one day, he destroyed 8 German aircrafts killing 32 Nazis.
Literally the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste."
I wanted to change my name to Dragon Ball Z...
My friend said, "Wow, that's a lot of papers you have to fill out!" I said "Yeah, this isn't even my final form!"
Operation successful
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.'
The surgery was a great success....
Panties are not the best thing in the world
But they're close to it
My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, "Just you wait!"