Smell jokes

Man

Man

An old man is lying on his death bed...

... when he smells the delicious aroma of freshly baked apple pie. He calls over his grandson and whispers, "Boy, go ask your grandma for a slice of that pie."

The boy scampers off and returns a minute later, replying, "Grandma says no, it's for after the funeral."

Wife

Wife

My wife recently got a seashell tattooed on her thigh.

When you put your ear close to it, you can really smell the ocean.

Friend

Friend

My friends and family swear I’m addicted to cocaine, but I’m not.

I just like the smell.

Eye

Eye

So my 6yo tells me a joke

What did one eye say to the other? Between you and me something smells!

F5 key

F5 key

I love the smell of my F5 key.

It's so refreshing.

Difference

Difference

What's the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed across the room, that means its good.

Woman

Woman

An old woman decides to get a physical after a number of years.

While the doctor is examining her she mentions that over the years she has learned to fart silently and they never smell anymore. The doctor said "Ok, that's great", finishes up the exam, gives her a prescription and tells her to come back in a couple of weeks. When she returns, she complains that her farts now smell awful. "Good" he said. "Now that we've cleared out your sinuses let's work on your hearing."

Frog

Frog

What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frog's finger.

Co-worker

Co-worker

I was just fired today, simply for telling my co-worker that her hair smelled nice.

I think they are discriminating against me for being a midget.

Shower

Shower

I stopped showering or changing my clothes, as a precaution against COVID-19.

If anybody gets within six feet of me, I know they must have lost their sense of smell.

Gynecologist

Gynecologist

What do a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist have in common?

They both can smell it but can't eat it.

Friend

Friend

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.

State trooper

State trooper

A state trooper pulls over a priest. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Excuse me, can I smell your pussy ?

A man is in a lift (elevator) with a beautiful woman. he looks her up and down, leans forward and says to her “Excuse me, but can I smell your pussy?” “Certainly not!” she replies “It must be your feet then.” says the man

Kid

Kid

Her: Do you think our kids are spoiled?

Me: No, I’m sure most kids smell that way.

Leg

Leg

I like the smell of mothballs.

But it can sometimes be hard getting their little legs apart.

Sausage

Sausage

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses." -

Man

Man

A man and his wife went fishing one day. As they were fishing, they spotted the Coast Guard coming towards them.

The wife said, "Honey, we caught four fish, and we are only allowed three, so lets throw one back into the sea."

The husband said, "Are you mad, woman, that's our food for tonight. Take one fish and hide it in your panties."

The wife said, "And what about the smell???"

The husband replied, "Just block the fish's nose...."

Funeral

Funeral

When I was 16 my bestfriend got super mad at me once and wouldnt talk to me for nearly 4 months for smelling his sisters underwear.

Idk if it was because she was still wearing them or that there was a lot of people around us, but either way, it made the rest of the funeral super awkward

Deer

Deer

Oh deer...

One even, husband came home from a day of hunting and brought home a deer. He suggested to his wife that she should cook the deer meat but don't tell the kids what's for dinner. Wife agrees and cooks the deer meat.

Later that evening the husband, wife and the kids, all gather at the table for dinner...

Son - "mmmm smells good ma., what is it?"

Wife - "I'll give you a hint. It's what I call your father all the time."

Daughter - "SPIT IT OUT BILLY., IT'S AN ASSHOLE!!!"