Sperm jokes

Why did the sperm cross the street?

Because I put on the wrong socks today

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

"Thank you for the glass of milk earlier", I said to the sperm bank employee.

"What glass of milk?", he replied.

Me: The glass of milk that was sitting on your desk.

"Oh my god!"

Me: What?

"That was my glass of milk."

Sperm...

Is just life in a nutshell

Sperm banks be like:

Get a load of this guy

Me: When I donate my blood

I do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me.

Receptionist: Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way.

What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?

I can't see a thing with all this shit in here.

I just successfully robbed a bank!

Now what to do with all this sperm...

A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow.

The director of the sperm bank summoned the blonde receptionist.

\-It's nice that you're polite to people who drop by here, he began, -but when they're on their way out again, I think you should say something other than, -"Thank you for coming!"-

A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar

One came, one saw, and one conquered.

I went to the sperm bank but found out they weren’t open yet.

Guess I came a little too early.

Why are sperm donations worth more than blood donations?

Because they’re made by hand

Bank on it..

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $20."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.

The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

How can you tell if your sperm count is high?

Your partner has to chew before they swallow.

Got fired from work for drinking on the job

They're strict about that sort of thing at the sperm bank.

An old man doesn't feel well...

So he and his wife go to the doctors office. When they meet with the doctor he says "We need to do a full workup and run some tests. I'm going to need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample". The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and says "eh?". His wife just rolls her eyes and says "Frank, just give him your underwear!"