There jokes

I'm great at sleeping...

In fact, I can do it with my eyes closed!

What kind of sneakers do kidnappers wear?

White Vans.

Your mama so ugly

Her blowjobs count as anal

Father’s Day Presents..

5 year old son.....after reading story of a king.....

Son:......Mom, I also want 3 wives.....one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me.......

Mom:....And which one will put you to sleep

Son:..No mom, i will still sleep with you....Mom's eyes filled up with tears ... God bless you son

Mom:...but who will sleep with your 3 wives

Son:....Let them sleep with daddy...

Daddy's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son !

*Happy Father’s Day!*

How do Germans turn lights off?

The offschwitz

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints.

Rape in an elevator is wrong....

on so many levels

Never thought a foot doctor would help...

...now I stand corrected.

What does Al Gore play on his guitar?

Algorithm.

A cheese sandwich is better than complete happiness

Because nothing is better than complete happiness, and a cheese sandwich is better than nothing.

Monica Lewinsky walks into a cleaners....

with a dress and yells at the old owner who is hard of hearing

"I need to dry clean my dress"

The owner cups his hand next to his ear

"come again"

"No it's ketchup this time"

I asked my wife if i was the only one she's been with.

She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".

Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words

Lazy

What do you call an ugly dinosaur?

An eyesaur

What do you call it when Condoleezza Rice pushes a stuck-up criminal down a flight of stairs?

Conde sending condescending con descending.

Tried to change my password to Twilight...

...but got an error message saying please re-enter as this contains too many useless characters :(

What kind of grades did Tommy Wiseau get in school?

Oh, high marks

I went to a zoo but the only animal it had was one dog

It was a shih tzu

Jesus is doing a crossword when he shouts in frustration

I'm stuck on 2 across!

How is your first car like anal?

You don't want it, but your dad gives it to you anyway.