There jokes

19 and 20 had a fight

21

An Asian Man Walks Up to A Bank Teller To Exchange Yen for Dollars....

The teller gives him $180.

The Asian man complains: "But yestaday, I get $200. Why less today?"

The teller shrugs and replies: "Fluctuations"

Livid, the Asian man yells "Well, fuck you Americans too!"

Why don't black people go on cruises?

They already fell for that once.

A child asked Santa Claus

“How did your reindeer get their names?”

Santa replied, “I named them after memories, like pranced frolicking through the snow!”

“What about Donner?” the child asked.

A shadow settled on Santa’s face, and after a moment he began: “The year was 1847, and snowfall had trapped us in the Sierra Nevada ....”

Ugh. They stopped selling "skin color" Crayons.

I guess I can still draw people when my Crayons run out, but albino more.

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron.

Which is ironic.

Bill Gates walks into a bar and everyone inside becomes a millionaire

...on average.

Sinking Ship...

A pediatrician, a lawyer, and a priest were on the Titanic while it was going down. The pediatrician said "Save the children!" The lawyer said "Fuck the children!" To which the priest replied "Do we have time?"

One day Canada will rule the world

Then everyone will be sorry!

Do you know what 50 cents did when he got hungry?

58

An Eskimos car breaks down and a man from New Zealand pulls over to help him out. He has a look under the bonnet and says “looks like you’ve blown a seal” the Eskimo replies

“So what you f**k sheep”

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer

than the men who mention it

What do you call a Communist Sniper?

A Marxman.

What's the kid friendly term for Bukkake?

Baby-shower

I sold some baby laxative to a junkie and told him it was cocaine...

The next day he told me that was the best shit he ever had.

As a father I’ve learned how important it is to have a pet in your home while raising children.

Not because it teaches kids responsibility or anything but because it makes asking who shit on the floor a lot less awkward.

Why doesn't Hitler ever get invited to a BBQ?

He keeps burning the Franks

A man was sobbing next to his ex-wife in the hospital who had just been hit by a bus..

He kept saying "It should have been me... it should have been me" over and over, with tears flowing out of his eyes.

The nurse tried to console him, telling him "Don't be too harsh on yourself. For all you know you couldn't have changed it, even had you been there"

To which he replied : "I guess you're right. After all, I don't even know how to drive a bus"

Surprise blowjob is the best way to get woken up.

Unless you're in prison.

Courtesy of my 11 yr old: why don't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will just let it go.