Two Irishmen are sitting having a pint
when a Turf truck drives by. The first Irishmen says "When I win der lottery dats what I'm gonna do". The second Irishmen says "Whats that, drive a truck"? "No ya daft bastard, send my lawn away to be mowed"!
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq
.. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughters innocence, the mother turns around and says “Don’t worry that was just an insect”. To which her daughter replies “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that”
A family with a little boy is driving behind a trash truck.
Suddenly, a dildo flies out of the truck and hits the windshield. To save her son‘s innocence, his mother goes: "Wow that was a huge bug!" To which her son replies: "Dang, how is that bug flying with a cock that big!?"
There's a movie coming out about a big rig truck.
Have you seen the trailer?
Officer: I'm sorry to say, it looks like your girlfriend has been hit by a truck...
Me: Yeah but she has a good personality
Buying my girl an engagement ring was a lot like getting new tires for the truck..
Even though she looks the same, she rode much better afterwards.
Getting tired of these people who come to my door, telling me I'm gonna burn unless I'm saved...
The flashing lights on their trucks were pretty cool to see, though.
Couples Therapist: So what brings the two of you here today?
Her: It’s impossible to live with him. He’s too literal.
Me: My truck.
Due to the rise of autonomous vehicles
It's only a matter of time until a country singer makes a song about his truck leaving them.
A guy is sitting home alone, when suddenly he hears a knock on the door.
He gets up to answer. There are two policemen outside. They ask him if he's married. He says yes and the policemen want to see the photo of the wife. He gets one and shows it to them. The policemen exchange sad looks and one of them says: "I'm very sorry, but it looks like your wife was hit by a truck." "Yeah I guess, but she's got a great sense of humor and cooks a hell of a brisket."
A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.
So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes another sip and his legs pop out.
The boy is really happy and he runs outside in excitement and he's hit by an oncoming truck and killed instantly.
"What a shame" his dad said.
"He should have quit while he was ahead"
What do you call a semi truck with it's load half empty?
Pessimist Prime
What car has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
^^^^^sorry.