You jokes

I downloaded all the music to the movie Titanic.

It's syncing now.

I was walking by a car filled with bIack people and as I came near they locked the door. I felt like such a badass

Then I realized that it was my car..

How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cheeseburger?

One if nobody's looking.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye.

Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time

“Hey Descartes, I bet I can beat you in a footrace!”

“I think not!” Descartes replies.

And poof!

He instantly disappears.

I always wondered why a frisbee gets bigger as it gets closer.

And then it hit me.

My dad showed me a thirty minute PowerPoint on why one should always wear a condom

It was just pictures of me

2 nuns go for a bicycle ride around the Vatican.

The first nun says "I've never come this way before." The second nun says "yeah, must be the cobblestones."

What begins with “M” and ends in “arriage” and is a mans favorite thing?

A miscarriage That Joke never gets old just like the baby

Whats the difference between Me and a Calendar ?

a Calendar has dates.

What's the grossest number?

6.9 because it's a 69 with a period in the middle.

Sex for Money

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.

At the Dentist

Just at the moment when the dentist was leaning over towards his patient to start on her teeth, he was startled. "Excuse Me,Miss, those are my balls that you are holding."

"I Know" She answered sweetly. "So let us be very careful not to hurt each other ... OK?"

I used to be so lonely, so I glued a coffee cup to the roof of my car

Now wherever I go, everyone waves to me

How much do you weigh after eating Chinese food?

Wonton

I'm so stressed that I'm going to try that Chinese thing with the needles, what's it called?

Oh yeah, heroin

When my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant I started crying in despair

I know too well what is it like to grow without a father ...

How do you get down from an elephant?

You don't. You get down from a goose.

I fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels

She didn't know I existed

Your favorite drink must be ginger ale.....

cause you leave every girl in Canada Dry.