Jokes

How can you tell if the bat that bit you had rabies?

Also why is water so fuckin scary?

It's WW1 on the straits of Gallipoli, the soldiers are ready to charge from their trenches.

The british officers decides to make a rousing speech to his troops: "Listen here lads, did you come here to die?" and the australian answers "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterday!"

Did you hear about the Mexican train killer?

He had locomotives

If I had a dollar for every gender

I’d have 2 dollars and a pocket full of counterfeits.

What is the hardest thing to chew while eating a vegetable?

The wheelchair

I wish my girlfriend went down as much...

as the pound did last night.

Why would anyone want to be a masochist?

Beats me

What is Pac-Man’s favorite cooking utensil?

A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok

Whosoever invented "dentures" missed out on calling them ...

"Substitooths".

What’s the difference between weather and climate?

You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate.

The first woman on the Moon...

"Houston, we have a problem."

"What?"

"Never mind."

"What's the problem?"

"Nothing."

"Please tell us?"

"You know what the problem is."

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was black.

I've just been on Trip Advisor

Absolutely no help about a twisted ankle and a grazed knee

I'm not addicted to drinking brake fluid....

I can stop any time I want.

How did Christopher Columbus find India?

He used Apple Maps.

from my 7 y/o: Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

I asked my Dad, "Dad, what did you want to do when you were my age?"

"Your mom's sister."

Why did the sperm cross the street?

Because I put on the wrong socks today

Did you hear that Prince Charles has tested positive for the Coronavirus?

After all these years he's finally been coronated.

‟GIVE IT TO ME” she yelled ‟Oh my God I am so wet!!”

She could scream all she wants I was keeping the umbrella