A kindergarten teacher is teaching her class about animals...
She would hold ip a picture of the animal and the class would cry out in unison.
COW!
SHEEP!
When the teacher got to the deer the class was clueless.
"It has horns" She said
But the class was silent
"Sometimes your mom calls your dad this animal"
Little timmy throws his hands up and shouts, "IS IT A HORNY BASTARD?!"
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roam'n catholic
Did you hear about the stage production called “Dictionary”?
It’s a play on words.
What do you call an orgy with 8 women?
Octopus.
What do you call adult-only Chess videos?
Pawn
I've been told by people I light up a room
According to police it's called arson and those people are "witnesses"
What do Grammar Nazis call their movement?
The Alt-Write.
What do you call a girl that doesn't suck dick?
You don't.
Last time I stayed at a hotel I asked the front desk for a wake up call.
She called me twenty minutes later and said, "what the fuck are you doing with your life?"
What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
##
A PDF File.
What do you call fapping to dubstep?
Wubbing one out.
What do you call a wheel that you wear?
A tire
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed. It completely ruined our 10-year anniversary.
Why do orphans go to church? Because they can finally call someone father.
What do you call an orphan's family reunion?
Me time.
A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licks his cone and replies:
"Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.
I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
Little Johnny was sitting in class behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" The teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down. The teacher then asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" The teacher says, "Yes, Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gives Little Johnny an angry glare, turns around, and then, the teacher asks, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.