Circumcision
what do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
Call jokes
What's it called when an Asian man gives his best friend head?
A bro job.
Sweat
Why do they call it boob sweat
and not humidititties?
A boy walks in on his dad masturbating.
The boy, curious asks him, "Dad, what are you doing?"
The father replies, "This is called masturbating, and pretty soon you will be doing it also."
The kid, puzzled, asks, "How do you know that?"
The father goes "Because my arm is getting tired."
What do you call a cow pleasuring itself?
Beef Strokinoff
Jesus
If Jesus was on a penny they would call it a JC Penny
I get sad every time I look in a mirror
Blonde
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
Boy
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers
The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.”
The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”
The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”
Cow
What do you call a cow...
...w/ no legs? Ground beef.
...w/ 1 leg? Stake.
...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.
...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.
...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you dummy.
...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.
...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.
...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.
...w/ a twitch? Beef jerky.
I could keep going but I've milked this joke dry
Woman
What do you call a pregnant woman?
A body builder
Hooker
What do you call a hooker's fart? ...
... A Prosti- Toot!
Economist
What do you call an economist that likes to eat?
An economnomnomist
Girlfriend
I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me,
because she calls me her sixty-second lover.
Ant
How can you differentiate male ants from female ants?
They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles
Girl
Girls call me Mr. Microsoft
because I have a 3.5 inch floppy
Friend
What do you call friends that you go out to eat with?
Taste buds.
Dothraki mathematician
What do you call a Dothraki mathematician?
Khal Culator
What do you call a black guy in outer space?
An astronaut you racist bastard.
Deer
Oh deer...
One even, husband came home from a day of hunting and brought home a deer. He suggested to his wife that she should cook the deer meat but don't tell the kids what's for dinner. Wife agrees and cooks the deer meat.
Later that evening the husband, wife and the kids, all gather at the table for dinner...
Son - "mmmm smells good ma., what is it?"
Wife - "I'll give you a hint. It's what I call your father all the time."
Daughter - "SPIT IT OUT BILLY., IT'S AN ASSHOLE!!!"
World Peace
My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas.
"World peace" I said.
"Something more realistic!" she laughed
"Ok how about a blowjob once a week?"
She reached for the phone.
"Who are you calling?" I asked.
"The United Nations" she replied.